Cliff Gardner

LaMarcus works out!

2010-10-24T10:32:00.001-07:00

Rose Garden!

2010-10-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

Jerryd!

2010-10-11T11:39:00.001-07:00

More updates

2010-08-14T08:20:00.001-07:00

Sooo....haven't updated in 5 months, but I'm still here. A few key updates:

--Finished my first year of grad school with one more to go. Things are going well. I'm submitting things to conferences/journals, and writing my thesis. All in all, I'm right where I should be.

--The debaters did well at nationals--two teams break at NPDA and one got to quarter-finals, and we had a team in the 3rd elim at NPTE, so a pretty successful run.

--Jessica and I are still happily engaged and I'm wearing her down on the "let's just go to vegas" front.

--My dad died in May. It sucked.

--I went to Holland for the 2010 IDEA Youth Forum, and it was great. Seriously, one of the best debate experiences of my life!

--The Blazers spent their full MLE on Wes Matthews, a sparkplug of a 2nd year player from Utah who's compared to Batum a lot. Love the signing, love that he makes the Jazz worse.

--Our buddies Tim and Megan moved to Florida and we're looking for two fun replacements.

It was a great game

2010-03-09T20:33:00.001-08:00

I'm working out now, and it's awesome--I'm feeling better every day. However, what's fun about my gym is that it's connected with the Pyramid, where the 49er basketball team plays (along with other sports I don't care about). I've been to a couple of games this season (which I guess is over now, so last season), and I must say, I love going to a D-1 school. ANYWAY, when I was at Willamette I used to check out a basketball and go shoot free-throws for half an hour just to clear my head. When I was getting my membership at Frog's Fitness, I asked if I could do something similar here, you know, since the gym is in the same building as the basketball courts, and I was laughed at. "We're in no-way affiliated with CSULB." Really? See, I was confused by the giant, floor-length windows overlooking the CSULB basketball team practicing. ANYWAY (really this time), last week I was doing some leg-lifts and I ended up watching a really competitive scrimmage of the 49er men's basketball team, and it went right down to the wire, with a 5 point run in the last 20 seconds for the "black" team to win at the buzzer with a corner three. It was easily the best game I've watched in person, and they didn't even know they were being watched. Like I said, I like going to a D-1 school. GO BEACH!

Updates!

2010-03-05T17:05:00.000-08:00

It's been too long, internet. My last update was almost four months ago. Seriously, how is that even possible? Anyway, here's what's happened in my life since then:

--Jessica and I got ENGAGED. It's worth mentioning that in addition to being the most meaningful and awesome relationship in my life, it is now the longest. So, yeah. When people ask about when we're getting married, my answer is "whenever Jess agrees to Vegas." I'm 49% serious about this. The things I hate most in the world are, in order: cross-eyed children, parades, and things that are really about other people but pretend to be about you (graduations and weddings are the biggest two examples, though I suppose funerals also count). We'll see. Maybe next Summer. The lesson, as always--take relationship advice from Beyonce Knowles.

--I applied for and was accepted to be a trainer at the 2010 IDEA Youth Forum in Zeeland, The Netherlands. This means I get to participate in the most intense, awesome and important debate camp in the World. It also means I get to go to the Netherlands for basically nothing this Summer. Yay, debate! To review, this will be the fifth country I will have traveled to for debate. Nerds win.

--Graduate school is awesome. I love teaching, I'm learning a lot from and have developed good relationships with a lot of brilliant faculty members, and I'm finding more and more ways to make meaningful contributions to the speech and debate team.

--David and I went to see the Blazers-Clippers game in LA, and I'm planning on going to one more in LA next month! For the record: LOVE the Camby trade. GO BLAZERS!

--I have a gym membership and I'm working out 4-5 days a week now. Yay for being (sort of) healthy.

I promise to post more often! Hugs!

Academics never die

2009-11-11T21:04:00.001-08:00

Yesterday evening I went to library in search of some books for a paper I'm writing on the Rhetorical lives of Tiberious and Caius Gracchus. Since most of their speeches haven't survived, I was left to find the best collection that remains, a translation from the historian Plutarch. In my search, I came across a series of books that were old. Most of the books I walked out of the library with were published in 1909 in England, with frayed edges and water marks in places. The books in my backpack were around during two world wars, the rise and fall of the Soviet Union, and various natural disasters and historic events throughout the world.

In 1909, someone not unlike me got their book published, and 100 years later, a graduate student they never met, who their children and grandchildren never met, walked out of a library in Southern California with their words. I couldn't tell you who my great-grandfather was on either side of my family. That's probably a depressing commentary on me, but I don't think it's that unique, either. Relationships, even close ones, fade away as generations pass. Knowledge, though, lasts at least a little longer. There's a form of community in graduate school that I hadn't experienced before. I am a scholar, and I hope to be a master in my field. If I'm very lucky, I hope to one day write something that someone I'll never meet, who my children and grandchildren will never meet, will carry out of a library half a world away at 10:00 PM on a Tuesday night, relieved to have finally found just what they need.

Why President Obama won

2009-10-09T07:36:00.000-07:00

My greatest political hero, the man I admire most in history, is Andrei Sakharov. If you don't know who he is, Sakharov was a hero of the Soviet Union, the man who was primarily responsible for bringing nuclear weapons to Russia, who then became one of the biggest opponents of their use, leading the perestroika and glasnost movements that ultimately brought down the USSR after his death. He spent almost three decades in exile where he and his wife Yelena were harassed, threatened and intimidated daily by KGB agents.

But, right before he was exiled, Sakharov went on vacation to Crimea, not far from where my site was in Ukraine. While on the beach with his family, a man came up to Andrei and shook his hand, telling him that he was proud to be a Soviet man like him and that he agreed with a letter Sakharov had signed (along with many other concerned scientists) against the use of nuclear weapons.

Two weeks later, that same man who had embraced Sakharov on the beach voted, along with the rest of the Central Committee, so send the Sakharov's to Siberia indefinitely. Yelena was furious when she found out, screaming and throwing things, while Sakharov just sat in his kitchen quietly. Finally his wife yelled at him, "WHY AREN'T YOU ANGRY? This man betrayed you! Don't you hate him?" Sakharov replied, "I'm not angry...I'm thinking about it."

The easiest thing in the world to do is react to something with emotion, to punch back. It feels good, and sometimes people will love you on for it. But, the job of statesman, of true leaders, is not to react, but to think. To consider.

I believe Barack Obama has shown a willingness and ability to do that, highlighting not only his tremendous potential for greatness, but also why he won the Nobel Prize today. Do I have my frustrations with his administration? Absolutely. Would I vote for him again? Yes--because I think it's what Andei Sakharov would do.

Graduate School

2009-09-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

It's a series of difficult but do-able goals. I like my friends and what I'm doing, teaching in particular. Hope all is well with you all. Also, the Blazers start playing soon. Yay!

Howdy from LA!

2009-09-02T09:03:00.001-07:00

Jessica and I are in Long Beach and everything's awesome. Don't worry, our new city is not on fire. In fact, when I mentioned that fear to everyone in the first class I taught yesterday, everyone laughed, so I guess it's no biggie. The weather has been pretty hot, but we've set up a pretty effective series of fans in the apartment that work fairly well. Speaking of the apartment, it's perfect for us, and we keep accumulating furniture from various people (including our neighbors, who, when moving in a new couch, literally knocked on our door and gave us their old one).

School's been good, if challenging. Since I'm new to the discipline, they'll be some growing pains, but I'm confident that I can handle it with the help of my supportive friends/fellow grad students, and the professors who are all incredibly smart experts in their field. It's a lot like Peace Corps Training in that there's so much work all the time that you never really finish, you just stop reading at some point. The teaching is going well, too--teaching college seems to fit. I make them laugh a lot, and they come to class and do their work. Everyone wins.

As for the speech and debate team, I've already been blown away by home talented and dedicated everyone is. There are about 15 coaches. 15! The most I ever had before this was 2! And most of them have done really well at nationals!!!! Like, won national titles and been in multiple final rounds!!!!!!!!!1111oneoneone Basically I'm surrounded by the freaking Navy SEALS of forensics, and I'm just trying not to be Private Pile. The kids are amazing, too, and I fully expect a fantastic year.

Jessica's working now, too, which is great, so everything's going well. We already have a few "wow, we're really living in LA, this is awesome!" stories, and our friends Tim and Megan, who've been absolute lifesavers (in both the candy and ocean senses) are really adventurous so we'll probably have a few more this year!

Anyway, I love and miss you all.

And the Emmy goes to....

2009-08-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

Me: You know what tomorrow is?

Jessica: Umm...packing?

Me: No--it's the weekly "time to get hammered and watch 'more to love' on ABC!" night!

Jessica: You're not allowed to watch that show.

Me: What? Why? I really want to support their movement, both in the political and exercise senses.

Jessica: What you just said makes you a terrible person.

Me: OK, so let me get this straight--you watch the little people on TLC and love every minute of it, but when I want to watch the big people on ABC, I'm an asshole? Welcome to hypocrite town, population: you.

That new car smell...

2009-07-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

Jessica and I bought a car today--a 2009 Hyundai Elantra! Talk about making real-life, adult decisions! We checked our budget (about a dozen times), and decided that we could afford the investment. Our piece of mind about car reliability (the Volvo we were driving wasn't looking very stable), plus how awesome the car was in general, made up our minds. We got a pretty good deal on it, too, so our payments are totally reasonable. I realized during the test drive that it was the first car I had ever driven that wasn't old and busted, so it was really, really nice! We also lined up an apartment in Long Beach, and we're planning to drive down in about a week and a half. Road trip! :-)

Where have I been?

2009-07-13T11:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't updated in a while--I've been busy working and lining up stuff for Long Beach. Jessica and I are moving down there in a few weeks and we're super excited. If you want more of my awesome, swinging hilarity, please check out my basketball-related posts on http://2ndroundreach.com/. I'm "T-Mac" in the twitter feed, also.

Here's my post about why the Raptors can suck it, here's my long winded and angry rant at Blazer GM Kevin Pritchard, here's my 2009 Draft Day Quiz, here's my 2009 Playoff Awards, and my first collumn about the Orlando Magic fast break. My collumns go up every Tuesday, so if you like basketball and my sense of humor, check it out. My collumn tomorrow is really funny.

Sex Ed, Peace Corps Style

2009-06-16T21:52:00.000-07:00

During the three months of pre-service training in Ukraine, my training cluster had several visits from the medical office to give us inoculations, supplies and some general health lessons, the most memorable of which was the sexual health lecture. Lasting several hours, it was as explicit and comprehensive a sexual education class as you can imagine, complete with a mandatory rolling of a condom on a rubber penis that we all had to do before we could be officially sworn in as Peace Corps Volunteers. The intensity and frankness of this lesson (and the subsequent availability of an unlimited supply of condoms and birth control pills) felt almost a little desperate, leaving us all with the notion that we were important people and our choices actually mattered. After all, the government was investing a lot of time and money in us so we could do a specific and important series of jobs, so this attitude made sense. We were valuable resources and the Peace Corps had a vested interest in protecting us, even from ourselves.

That lesson stuck with me, and I imagine that it had a similar impact on other PCV's because, despite having a very large number of (sexually active) volunteers, the PC-Ukraine program had/has almost no one leave the service for sexually-related issues (STI's, pregnancy, etc). My point is this, though: why on earth shouldn't the same sense of desperation and intensity be applied to every single high school sexual education class in America? The conditions are similar, after all--lots of time/money being invested in the students (tens of thousands), the risks are tremendous since so many are inevitably sexually active anyway, and the correlation between comprehensive sex ed and lower pregnancy and STI rates is clear. It's like we were only worthy of receiving complete and accurate sexual education (and the needed birth control to functionally follow through on those teachings) because we were important Peace Corps Volunteers, which is just silly--every teen in America is just as important and deserves that same treatment.

Tough choices

2009-06-13T10:48:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I was at a restaurant and needed to pee. It had been a while and I had had several beverages, so I was ready to have one of those Austin Powers pees that lasts 3 minutes and involves me putting my hand against the wall. However, when I got into the men's room, there was a problem. See, in the one and only stall someone was having violent, loud, offensively smelly diarrhea (did I mention this was a Mexican restaurant? Does that help explain it? Think a bad reaction to 8 pounds of chips and salsa) and the one and only urinal was apparantly broken and wouldn't flush, though that hadn't stopped what I could only assume were dozens of men from pissing in it anyway. So, I was left with decision--wait out that guy with dysentery or add my contribution to the bright yellow urine pool and probably get spash-back piss on me and my clothes, plus hepatitis.

Life is all about the tough choices.

In the end, I chose to just hold it and wait for the sweet salvation of my home toilet. I made it, though it was a photo-finish. The best bathroom stories always are.

Cars

2009-06-02T16:49:00.000-07:00

Jessica hadn't ever been to Seattle, so last weekend we decided to go visit our Peace Corps friends Katie and Kelly, who are universally some of the coolest cats you'll ever want to meet. Kelly likes Asian stuff and Katie likes to say the phrase, "or it gets the hose again," so we knew we were in for a good ole' time. Being responsible adults, we took the new(er) car we were driving/being given by my super awesome aunt and uncle to a mechanic for a trip inspection the day before we were planning to leave, and he topped off the fluids and told us that everything was fine.

*cut to creepy behind-the music theme* But then, on our drive up, everything changed.......

We actually made pretty good (OK, average) time up to Seattle considering that it was rush hour on a Friday, but after having driven 175 miles from Portland, the car stopped working about 5 blocks from Katie and Kelly's place. When I tried to drive, the car wouldn't go forward...I put the pedal to the floor and it barely moved, so I swerved off into a parking lot and called AAA. After waiting an hour and a half, a super-nice tow truck driver showed up and he took me (Jess went ahead to our friend's place) to a repair shop about 2 miles away, but not before a mean parking lot attendant showed up and demanded 10 dollars for parking in his lot EVEN THOUGH MY CAR WAS BEING TOWED AWAY BECAUSE IT WASN'T WORKING.

The more concerning problem(s), though, was the fact that I was starting a new job in Portland on Monday morning and I absolutely couldn't miss that first day. After talking with the mechanics on Saturday morning, they said they knew it was a transmission problem but that they couldn't fix it until Monday when the "tranny guy" (hehe) showed up. That meant that I had to leave Jessica in Seattle for a few more days and take the train back Sunday afternoon (which was fantastic--Amtrak is amazing and totally beats the crap out of Ukrainian trains!!!).

The bill came out to be about $900, of which I'm paying $300 and my super nice aunt and uncle are paying $600. We were considering just leaving the car in Washington if the bill was any more expensive than that, but it turns out that it's easier to commit a double murder and get away with it than it is to legally abandon or sell a broken car in Washington. The logic was, "well, we can pay 6oo bucks to dump the car there or pay 300 more and have the car." So, Jessica is road tripping it back to PDX tomorrow norning (in the car) and I'll be glad to have her home. All in all, she will have gotten to see a lot more of Seattle than she had planned, but all things considered, it didn't end as badly as it could have.

OMG SPELLING BEEEEEEEE!

2009-05-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

I got up at 7:00 this morning to watch the Scripps National Spelling Bee Semi-Finals. This is my favorite time of year, I love this stuff. It's the only thing that would make me toggle between a Blazer playoff game (during the commercials or course). My prediction is Kavya Shivashankar and Sidharth Chand is the finals. Kavya has been in the top 10 the last three years, which is the Spelling Bee equivalent of eating 100 hot dogs in 10 minutes or something, and Sidharth got 2nd last year in his first bee, and you KNOW he wants to get that one back. There are even places where you can BET on not just who will win/lose, but on how many syllables the last word will have, whether it will be a noun/adjective/verb, if a kid will faint and/or throw up and if a parent will start screaming...I would post the link here but since the Bee has started, they stopped taking bets (of course). When in doubt, back the Indian kids to do well. Think about it--good news comes in threes. 1) The Assassination of Pakistani Political Leader Benazir Bhutto, 2) Slumdog Millionaire winning all those Oscars, and now THIS. JAI HOOOOOOOO!

Quick edit--First, I don't actually think Bhutto getting killed was good news. It was a joke and it wasn't even that funny. So yeah. Also, I wrote a short story about Spelling Bees three years ago. Enjoy?! http://cliffgardner.blogspot.com/2006/02/bee-all-you-can-be.html

Slow your roll

2009-05-21T12:07:00.000-07:00

Nothing bothers me more than bike riders who roll around Portland with a huge sense of entitlement. We’ve gone out of our way to make PDX as bike-friendly as possible—there are huge bike lanes, places to hang bikes on public transportation and lots of well-established bike paths, and I’m not against any of these efforts. It’s a good thing to encourage people to bike places for a myriad of reasons, and I understand that, and for the most part, bicyclists are awesome. However, far too often, bikers ride through traffic, cut through intersections and turn lanes with no regard for anyone else, and act as though they deserve to do whatever they want on our roads--this attitude has got to change. Bicyclists need to understand that they are part of a larger community of commuters just trying to get places and they are not entitled to treat other people with such disrespect. Riding a bike does not make you better or more deserving of human decency than anyone else, and it's time that more Portland bikers got that through their heads.

I tweeting this blog right now

2009-05-20T20:59:00.001-07:00

If you don't know, I'm the funniest Twitter person alive. Check me out at www.twitter.com/notalentclown, you'll be glad you did. What I like about twitter is that I can update my account from my cell phone, so the world doesn't have to wait to get hit in the face with my giant, swinging hilarity.

There's been a pretty big void in my life since all my favorite shows ended for the season. I was watching (and making Jessica watch) the Tudors, The Office, 30 Rock, The Girls of Hedsor Hall and The Tool Academy every week. Now all I'm left with is The Duel 2 (Evan's going to win, FYI) on MTV, plus whatever movie is on BET, Spike TV or random On Demand channels X, Y, Z and John Stewart/Colbert the amazing. Normally I would feel super guilty about watching this much TV, but after going 2 years without any real form of entertainment and considering that I'm about to start grad school where I presumably won't be able to watch much of anything, I think I'm allowed. Three cheers for technology.

Finally, I want you all to know that I've put on lots of weight since I got home from Peace Corps. I'm weighing in at 161 pounds right now, which for me is HUGE. When I was at Willamette, I weighed 115. For most of Peace Corps, I weighed 125-130. That was about 6 months ago. At this rate of 5 pounds a month, I'm going to on season 16 of The Biggest Loser in a few years--I'm even practicing my flabby arm thrusts of victory.

The (somewhat) bad news is that all of this weight gain is coming while I'm running between 5 and 10 miles a day, which just confirms my theory that my body does what it wants and no one can stop it. I spent about 3 years doing everything I could to gain weight and was completely unsuccessful, so it stands to reason that the opposite would also be true. The good news is that I've consulted multiple (internet) doctors and my Body Mass Index is still within the acceptable range (though just barely) and everyone seems to like this "filling out" I've done since I got home. Still, feel free to make fat jokes at my expense, I really don't mind.

Gotta go watch The Duel 2 now. LET'S GO EVAN!

10 things we've learned this week

2009-05-15T10:38:00.000-07:00

I'm writing this from beautiful Southern California, where it's 70 all year and no one cares about anything. That's not true, it's not always 70. Seriously though, people care about the Lakers, which for me is like living in Occupied Paris. ANYWAY, here are things that I've learned along with the rest of society this week:

1) Don't show teenage hoo-ha in yearbook photos. It's bad news bears.

2) From TLC, it looks like Jon probably cheated on his wife (and all 8 of his kids because he hurt them too), and Kate might have even cheated on him. I've been saying for a while that Jon looks like the most miserable man in the world. Look at it this way--10 years ago, Kate (who is seriously cute now) was probably a straight up hottie when Jon, who is kinda funny looking, married her. My point is, whenever there's this big of a difference in attractiveness in a relationship, there's usually a catch. For Jon, it took a while, but the catch ending up being him having absolutely no choices anymore and living with someone who's hobbies include nagging, singing songs about school buses, and more nagging. OF COURSE it was wrong for Jon to cheat on his wife. It was stupid and horrible...and also one of the five more predictable things to happen in the history of reality TV. Just saying.

3) Darius Miles is a tool. The last holdout from the Jailblazers era got busted for weed, driving with a suspended license, and for general asshole behavior last night. He's also, apparently, the reason OJ Mayo is acting like a spoiled tool. Great move, Memphis. I hope it was worth it.

4) Pam might be preggers. I for one can't wait for the baby names episode next season.

5) Brandon Roy made the all-NBA 2nd team and was invited to try out for the Olympic team (along with Greg Oden and LaMarcus Aldridge). He was also the youngest person on the all-NBA list. THE FUTURE IS NOW. We have one of the top-7 best players in the league, and my argument is that we can't have a "well, just wait until they get better, they're so young, just be patient" attitude.

Look at it this way--when the Celtics got KG and Ray Ray two Summers ago, everyone thought the team was built more for 2009 more than 2008 for a myriad of reasons, and the attitude was, "we're going to win in 2009 so anything we get with these guys this first year is just a bonus." Well, every Celtics fan is really happy they won it all last year because KG snapped his knee in half and it looks like he'll never be the same. My point is, in the NBA, YOU NEVER KNOW. What if Brandon Roy hurts his knee(s) again? What if LaMarcus opts out in two years because the Sacramento Kings want to give him max money? What if Rudy decides to play for a team that runs more, like New York, or just go back to Spain? We have a great roster now but we can't afford to wait for these guys to mature. The Blazer front office needs to make some big moves this off season to put us in a position to win a championship next year. Everyone in Portland needs to have a win-now attitude while we still have a championship window.

6) Long Beach is amazing! I love everything about it--the location, the team, the coaches, the facilities, the program. The next two years are going to be fun, hard, challenging, exciting and amazing. I can't wait!

7) Twitter is fun. I've updated...a lot...in the past few days and I'm really enjoying myself. Check me out at notalentclown.

8) I'm really hoping to be a special guest on the321podcast because, as a spelling bee enthusiast, I feel I have a duty to tell as many people as possible about the upcoming competition.

9) Star Trek is great. I saw it twice and loved it twice. The hot green chick was one of Charlie Wilson's assistants, FYI. Seriously, IMDB that. When I texted my friend Hillary, who's from Iowa, about Kirk being from her homeland, she replied with a gruff, "Of course he is! EVERYONE knows that!" Um, no, actually--most people don't know that. Iowans really like their Star Trek, I guess. BTW, did you all know that at the Iowa State Fair every year there's a giant model of something out of butter? Last year is was a butter Shawn Johnson, the Olympic Gold Medal-winning gymnast. This year, I'm hoping for James T. Kirk.

10) I am happier now that I've ever been. Life is great! P.S.--Jessica is amazing.

Helpful guidlines for sex with a bigot

2009-05-13T08:21:00.000-07:00

My friends over at the321podcast were discussing the neo-Nazi twin band Prussian Blue and how their music is, you know, genocidal, but how they were still pretty attractive (or at least they will be in 7-8 years). I've put some thought into this...a little too much thought, as you'll see...and I've realized this problem is both bad and difficult to fix. It centers around a simple question: are you allowed to be attracted to hot women (and men, although I focus on women--think Prussian Blue if they're 24) if they are dropping n-bombs and quoting from the Prodigals of Zion all the time? Obviously, there's nothing worse than genocide and racism (at least I hope there's not). However, if someone is really, REALLY hot, are there any ways around this huge roadblock? I say yes, and I've created a 4-part set of guidelines, listed below, to help you through this tricky situation. Here is your guide to guilt-free sex with bigots:

1) The bigot must be really hot. As will be explained later, this relationship has to exist ONLY on a physical level. Talking to the bigot is discouraged, because conversation will only remind you that they want to kill all of X race. If they're not hot, and I mean Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's love child hot, then don't bother, it's not worth it.

2) Your relationship with the bigot must be temporary. This little racist isn't your girlfriend, fiance or wife. This is not a regular thing. The goal here is to form no attachments whatsoever to the Hitler spawn because the more time you spend with them doing relationship things, the more likely it is you'll have to listen to their Mein Kampf poetry or, worse yet, you'll start to actually consider their arguments. No drives to wine country with the chick in the Klan Hood for you. A good rule for this step is to not sleep with the bigot more than ten (random and irregular) times, and if she expresses any feelings for you at all, it's over.

3) Your entirely-physical relationship with the bigot must be one-sided. You don't want the n-bomb dropping girl to enjoy herself at all. AT ALL. Your goal is not to give her any pleasure whatsoever while ONLY satisfying yourself, and ideally she'll want to take a shower immediately following these encounters (use your imagination). Anything that makes her life better would only seem to reward her terrible behavior, and that's obviously a backwards-step.

4) Some side-efforts must be taken, both during and after sleeping with the bigot, to reject her specific bigotry. For example, if you decide to have sex with the Prussian Blue twins in ten years, you can do so while wearing a Star of David condom (do those exist? If not, throw in your copy of Schindler's List or put on your headphones and listen to an audio book of Night by Elie Wiesel while you're being intimate with them) and then later, donate 50 bucks to the Shoah Foundation or something. If you're sleeping with the daughter of the KKK's Grand Dragon, throw on Ruben Carter's boxing rob and go for it, and then write a big fat check to the United Negro College Fund 20 minutes after you're done. This way, no one can accuse you of actually subscribing to their twisted logic just because you're having sex with them.

Bottom line: These guidelines aren't perfect. It's unlikely that anyone in the racist community would actually fit/put up with all 4 of these steps, and finding such a person could very easily be like chasing your 100% white whale (actually, I forgot about step 1 for a second, so never mind, bad analogy). Still, I believe that if executed as suggested, these guidelines can obsolve you of any guilt you might have over sleeping with Megan Fox if she had a swastika tattoo.

Finding my way

2009-04-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

In the fall of 2005 I applied to 18 law schools. 18! Of those, I was accepted by exactly three of them, and received virtually no financial aid from any of those schools...I can't say I blame them since based on my LSAT score(s), I was as smart as Corky from Life Goes On. Still, going from the financial aid offers I got, even the schools that let me in weren't exactly eager to have me on board, presumably because they thought I would start a fire or something.

My point, though, is that had I gone to law school three years ago, I would be graduating next month with, at best, $50,000-$75,000 of additional student loans (on top of my 25K of undergrad debt) and struggling to find a job in one of the worst economic climates for lawyers in history. Side note--as a Peace Corps Volunteer, my student loan debt actually went down 30%. Somewhere up there, JFK is smiling and nodding happily, possibly while hammered.

ANYWAY, flash forward to the fall of 2008, when I applied to six different Communications graduate programs. While in Ukraine, I really missed speech and debate and teaching public speaking, and I realized that I was over-thinking things--I'm happy teaching and coaching, so why not keep doing that? It seemed simple enough--my rationale was/is, there's no reason to reinvent the wheel--if I'm happy doing something, then I should keep doing it. Thankfully those suspicions were confirmed when, based on a pretty good GRE score, solid recommendations from awesome folks, and loads of teaching/coaching experience, I got in to all six of the schools I applied to, receiving great financial aid offers.

In the Fall, I'll be getting my Master's Degree in Communications from California State University-Long Beach (for a shocking little amount of money), and coaching/teaching as a graduate assistant. I'll also be living with an awesome collection of people (my great friends David, Kristen and Megan will hopefully be living in a giant house with Jessica and I). In short, I'll be doing what I love, surrounded by the people I love, and I couldn't be happier. Personally, Professionally, Economically, Socially...in every measurable way, not going to law school was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Ready for War

2009-04-08T06:19:00.001-07:00

Two days ago, the Portland Trailblazers clinched their first playoff birth since 2003, when Scottie Pippen was on the team. For a Blazermaniac like me, this is obviously a huge deal, compounded with the fact that this is my first year back from isolation in a land where I didn't own a TV, but it didn't matter anyway because nobody cared about the NBA. However, what I didn't realize until yesterday was the extent to which all of Portland is on the same page on this one.

I'm judging at a speech tournament in downtown Portland, right on the waterfront, and I've had some pretty big holes in my judging schedule which have enabled me to take long walks by the water. It's been unseasonably warm the last few days, high 70's/low 80's (and if that's not a great analogy for this team, I don't know what is--beautifully awesome much earlier than we expected or had any right to ask for), and the stretches by the waterfront were packed with people. Yesterday, it seemed like every other person I saw was sporting some type of Blazer gear, and since I had my Blazer hat on, I exchanged dozens of smiles, compliments on attire, and exactly 8 fist-pumps or high-fives with total strangers (including one homeless man who really liked Brandon Roy).

If there's one thing recent history has taught us, it's that sports can bring people together and help in ways that are both important and difficult to quantify. After 9/11, people saw how the Yankees helped get NYC through the worst parts of their grief, and when the Hornets returned to New Orleans the year after Katrina, people felt like they could start living their lives again--that it was ok to enjoy things. I've always liked the movie "The Legend of Bagger Vance" because it demonstrates this point--at the worst part of the great depression, a local boy does something amazing in golf and it gives everyone hope again.

Right now, Oregon has double-digit unemployment. Our schools are in crisis, our state health plan--once a model for the rest of the country on providing health coverage to the poor and children--is on the verge of collapse, and millions are out of work and scared. But I'll be damned if I didn't see hundreds of people on the waterfront yesterday pumped about the boys in black and red making the playoffs again. Thank you, Rip City.

Too much madness....

2009-04-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

You know you've been watching too much college basketball when something like this happens. So, last night I had a very vivid dream in which I was working as a technician in a college computer lab at the University of Connecticut. I know it was UConn because at some point, AJ Price kicked down the door and tried to take half a dozen laptops (which actually happened). I tackled him in my dream, and woke up with a start to find that I was fiercely hugging Jessica in a tackling-like grip. She slept through it, and I was a little freaked out. Needless to say, I'll be really happy when the Final Four finally happens this weekend.

In other news, and I'll write more about this later, I'm now a 49er! I've decided to attend California State University-Long Beach in the Fall, and I couldn't be more excited about it. For more information about CSULB, please consult this informational video.

Team Spirit

2009-03-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up early (10 AM on a Sunday is early) to watch the Blazers-Hawks game with Jessica on TV. Now, Jessica enjoys NBA games for very different reasons than the one(s) I do. The cheerleaders, the blimps that fly around the arena dropping coupons, the t-shirt gun, THAT'S what brings her to the Rose Garden. Anyway, at the last game we went to see (Blazers v. T-Wolves), our seats were right behind the basket and during the 2nd half, the Blazer cheerleaders walked around and handed out inflatable bangey things designed to distract opposing teams while they're shooting free throws. Needless to say, Jess has lots of fun with those, and she took them home. That led to this exchange today, when the game wasn't going well for the good guys:

Jessica: *Bangs plastic flappers together*

Me: Damn it! Stupid Joe Johnson.

Jessica: *Bangs plastic flappers together*

Me: Mike Bibby....Mike Bibby....

Jessica: *Bangs plastic flappers together*

Me: We needed to today, Greg. We needed you.

Jessica: *Bangs plastic flappers together*

Me: Jessica, ENOUGH! Just because we're watching a game on TV doesn't mean you get to pretend we're sitting under the basket. Just stop.

*15 second pause*

Jessica: *Bangs plastic flappers together*

Me: Gaaaaaaaa!

I figured it out!

2009-03-07T18:17:00.001-08:00

Recent road losses to the Spurs, Rockets and Nuggets have made it clear that the Blazers lack a certain veteran toughness and what I like to call "the crazy factor," i.e. the refusal to be bullied. I have a solution: Latrell Sprewell. He solves all of those problems right now. Here are some reasons why this is a brilliant move:

1) He's good. Anyone remember how awesome he was? He can shoot and defend. If we bring him off the bench at small forward, we can keep his minutes to maybe 20-25 a game so even if he has lost a step with age (he's 38) or if he's not in great shape, it'll be ok.

2) He's a proven playoff performer. Remember that time he carried an eighth-seeded Knicks team to the finals? Blake is the only guy on our team with playoff experience--we could use some of that, especially if we end up with a 6-7-8 seed and need to climb up the back of the west bracket on the road.

3) He's crazy, but not too crazy. The Blazers tend to get pushed around a lot, especially on the road against good teams--see the latest Denver disaster for evidence. If the toughest guy on our roster is Joel Przybilla, we're not scaring anyone in April/May. Plus, since our team is currently made up entirely of nice guys, even if Spree went off the reservation so to speak, which I think Roy/Aldridge/Nate would prevent as much as possible, the damage would be minimal since he wouldn't have anyone to be crazy with. Spree acting up in Portland would get the same reaction as someone swearing in church.

4) He'll play hard every night or go back to sleeping under a bridge. This would also serve to keep his craziness in check. Just to prove this point, I'm in favor of signing him to a series of ten-day contracts to see if he measures up. If it works out, we can sign him for the rest of the season at the fairly-cheap veteran pro-rated minimum, which is something like 1.5-3 million. If not, cut him and we still have ten games before the playoffs to get back into rhythm/un-do any damage done by Spree. My point is, it's pretty much all up-side for us.

He can set us Spree at last. Sorry, I couldn't help myself. But seriously, think about.

I've never been prouder

2009-03-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

Last night, after the another dramatic come-from-behind win against and inferior team at home (aka operation "give Thomas a heart attack" part 9), Jessica, who had half-heartidly watched yet another game with me, had the following converation:

Me: Jessica, I'm going to ask you a question, and based on your answer, an increasing amount of good things will happen in your life.

Jess: OK, shoot.

Me: Name as many members of the current Portland Trailblazers team as you can.

Jess: Oooh, Brandon Roy, Greg Oden, Joel Prizbilla the vanilla gorilla, heeheeha!

Me: Yes, annnnd?

Jess: LaMarcus Aldridge, Travis Outlaw, daaa duuuh duuuh...weeedeedeedeeee....duuduuu--

Me: Yes, his name is Outlaw, I get it. Anyone else?

Jess: RUDY! RUDY! RUDY! And Seeeergio. Oooh, and Nicolas Batuuuuuum!

Me: OK, setting aside your entertaining mnemonic devices you use to remember the foreigners, you're missing two more. I'm give you a hint--he spells his name incorrectly--

Jess: Jerryd Bayliss!

Me:--yes, and you're missing our starting point guard.

Jess: I don't know what a "point guard" is.

Me: Fair enough...he's the other white guy.

Jess: BLAKE! STEVE BLAKE!

Me: Wow, great job! Who's the coach, for extra credit?

Jess: Nate MacMillan!

Me: Someone gets a massage!

Jess: YAY! Aren't you proud of me?!

Me: Yes, very much so...I'm going to let your ommisions of Michael Ruffin slide because we just got him in a trade, and Shavlik Randolph because he's annoying.

Jess: Thanks? Start with the shoulders.

Me: Okie Dokie!

Larry Miller and homophobia

2009-02-22T07:56:00.000-08:00

Larry Miller, the owner of the Utah Jazz, died recently after a horrific battle with Diabetes that resulted in both of his legs being amputated. It's important to recognize that he was a very good NBA owner. The Jazz had something like 13 fifty-plus win seasons during his tenure. Stockton to Malone, and now Williams to Boozer, made basketball great in Utah for a quarter-century.

However, it's also important to note Larry Miller's role in something else--a gay teen suicide epidemic. While I was typing that, a gay kid killed himself somewhere in the United States because he was persecuted by homophobic bigots. Suicide is the leading cause of death among gay teens. Consider this, from Larry Miller's Wikipedia page:

"On January 6, 2006, the film Brokeback Mountain was pulled from Miller's Megaplex 17 theater at the last minute after Miller learned from a radio reporter that the film featured a gay romance. Other R-rated films, such as the comedy Grandma's Boy and the violent horror film Hostel were still allowed to be shown. As a result, the business was accused of exhibiting bias against homosexuality. The cancellation brought international attention to the theater. The Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender Community Center of Utah and other gay rights groups urged its members to avoid patronizing Miller's various businesses. Miller later explained the cancellation, saying that he was concerned about "getting away from the traditional families", what he called "a very dangerous thing." Miller noted that several individuals purchased automobiles from his dealerships as a form of support for the decision."

Clearly, Larry Miller is both powerful and not-okay with gay folks. In fact, his decision not to show "Brokeback Mountain" in his theatres clearly made him a leader in the fight to persecute homosexuals. It's not that gay and lesbian teens are just naturally more depressed and prone to taking their own lives--they're teased and harassed every day at schools, in locker rooms and at churches. Violence, and the threat of violence, are common. It's a terrible thing to live in fear every day of your life for who you are and for many kids, suicide seems like the only way out.

In the state of Utah, which I imagine isn't the most accepting for GLBT kids to begin with, hosting the movie "Brokeback Mountain" was a beautiful opportunity to show the straight community what it feels like to be gay, and to live with that fear. More importantly, though, it could have demonstrated to those terrified gay kids I mentioned that there's nothing wrong with who they are--that they're not sick, or broken, and that there are other people like them out there going through the exact same things. This would have saved lives.

Instead, Larry Miller chose to react like a cafeteria room full of 6th graders instead of a smart, civic-minded, "moral leader" that he claimed to be. I have no problem with people praising his ownership of the Utah Jazz. However, most articles haven't stopped there, instead choosing to trumpet his moral leadership and claim that he was a great man for the state of Utah. Larry Miller wasn't a great man. You're not a great man if you, as a pillar of your community, pursue a policy that causes teenagers to kill themselves.

I hope Out Magazine buys the Jazz.

No News in Good News?

2009-02-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

This week began with me exhausted, walking into my room after a long weekend at the OSU tournament, to find Jessica sitting on my bed reading. She had flown across the country to surprise me by moving in, and it was one of the best moments of my life. YAY!

Anyway, we went to the Blazer game last night against the Grizzlies and Rip City improved to 4-0 in games that I watch in person, although operation "give Thomas a heart attack" was in full force as we almost blew a home game to an inferior team, again. So far I've seen the Blazers KILL the Heat with David, eek out wins against the Bucks and Grizz with Jess, and pull away late against the Wizards with Rebecca. Maybe one of these days I'll go see the boys play against a contender.

The big news is no news--Kevin Pritchard didn't make a move at the trade deadline beyond a salary cap/trade exception move for Michael Ruffin (WHO?) which will likely just result in us getting another pick in what's looking like a pretty solid 2009 draft class. I have mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was really hoping for a deal--by all accounts, the Blazers could have gotten Richard Jefferson, Caron Butler or Gerald Wallace (not to mention Vince Carter, who would have MURDERED our chemistry, more below) without touching anyone in our big three. All three of those guys would have been upgrades at the small forward position and would have potentially pushed us to the 2nd round or better this year.

However, there are several reasons why I'm behind this "no-move" move:

First, there's reason to think that with the current economic conditions in the league, if this many teams are this desperate to unload their guys now, it will probably get even better (or worse, depending on your perspective) this Summer. That means the Blazers can get better guys, or at least the same guys for less (imagine Butler but without touching anyone in our top SIX? It could happen.), if we just wait a few months and then unleash Holy hell on the league next year, regardless of how the rest of the season plays out.

Second, there's no reason to believe this team can't get home-court and advance a round this season, as currently assembled. The Blazers haven't had their best guys on the court a whole lot this year. Oden's missed a lot of games, Blake went down for an extended stretch, and B-Roy even was out for a handful, not to mention that our best perimeter defender and reliable three-point threat, Martell Webster, has played about 2 games this year. If we get everyone healthy at the same time, and if Nate figures out how to use Bayliss well off the bench, the Blazers are a good team. Add to that the fact that our schedule is slightly better than the rest of the West, and the recent stumbles of New Orleans (trying to unload TC), Houston (T-Mac out for the year) and San Antonio (Manu's out for 2-3 weeks), and there's no reason to think that the future can't be now.

Third, everyone just needs to trust that Kevin Pritchard knows what he's doing. Like, seriously. I remember when everyone hated on our front office when we made all those deals in the 2006 NBA draft. Bill Simmons compared KP to a drunken college kid trying to assemble an NBA Live team a 2 in the morning. BUT, look at how it's turned out: we got Roy and Aldridge out of that draft and we're the 4 seed in the West at the all-star break three years later. He's a good GM. This will be ok. Everyone just needs to relax.

Fourth, chemistry can't be over-rated. This really matters in the NBA, more than in any other sport (with possible exception of QB to WR in football). Last night when Darius Miles was introduced, I was booing so loudly that my tonsils hit him in the face. You know what? He deserved it, but really what I, what WE--the whole crowd was with me on this--were really booing was a concept. AND IDEA. The idea that we can just overpay for selfish assholes and everything will be ok. It won't. Rider, Z-Bo, even Damon Stoudamire, were right there with Miles on the Blazers' wall of shame, and I'm glad to be done with them--I think we all are. Teams that don't have guys like that tend to over-achieve. Look at those Magic and Rockets teams from the mid-90's, or even Dikembe Mutumbo's Denver team. It's worth it to cheer for the nice guys because they'll do better, and even if they don't, you still feel better about yourself in the morning. We have one of those rosters now, and I want to see how far we can go without throwing in another dude after we've spent the last three years learning how to play together.

Bottom line: I'm trusting KP on this one, and I think the rest of Portland should to.

Blazer trade rumor

2009-02-11T16:34:00.000-08:00

It looks like the Blazers are making a strong push for Amare Stoudemire, offering LaMarcus Aldridge, Jerryd Bayliss and Raef's dead body/expiring contract. Setting aside for the moment the loss of Bayliss (a promising rookie who frankly we won't miss much when Blake comes back), I have so thoughts on the LaMarcus/Amare swap.

Reasons why this is a good move:

1) On paper, we're a better team. LaMarcus' ceiling is Amare's basement, statistically speaking. Stoudemire can defend (a HUGE problem for the Blazers), rebound (one of LaMarcus' big issues), and score almost at will. He's good enough to win multiple titles and MVP awards, and everyone has their own "OMG did you see Amare destroy the Spurs/Mavs/Rockets BY HIMSELF" story?! Portland can win a title if Amare is their 1st or 2nd best guy, and even the Lakers would have to be concerned about a possible post-season matchup with us.

2) He brings experience to a team that desperately needs it. Amare has loads of playoff games (or at least a lot more than anyone on our current roster) under his belt, even making the West Finals once (I'm not counting the season where his biggest contribution to the Suns was being a walking "What Not To Wear" episode on TLC for a team that also made the final four). For a team that apparently wants to win now, this is a good thing.

3) Greg Oden, this is Amare. Have fun. Oden's defense has been great (seriously, 6 freaking blocks against NY?!), but his offense, while improving, is still terrible when he's not dunking. Amare's ability to move around the basket and create his own quality shot 9/10 times down the floor would probably be a good thing for GO to watch every night.

Reasons why this could be a disaster:

1) Amare is an emotional infant and locker room cancer. I just finished reading "7 Seconds or Less" chronicling the Suns' season that Amare' missed after knee surgery (more on that in a second). In it, there were about 75 examples of how Stoudemire's constant need to be the "alpha dog" in the locker room, EVEN WHEN HE WASN'T PLAYING, caused the team headaches. I don't think he'd be willing to defer to Brandon Roy and certainly not to Greg Oden. Our chemistry (which has been one of our strengths) could be seriously messed with if this happens.

2) Seriously, another one of these guys? I feel like we just got clear of the last of these stupid "bad character guys" in Miles. Why is everyone so willing to wade back into the murky waters with this Amare jerk who only cares about himself/his stats? It's like we just got released from prison and we're back home 3 hours later and someone is offering us cocaine. DON'T DO IT! REMEMBER HOW THAT ENDED LAST TIME! I think everyone who is strongly behind this trade should watch game video's of Isaiah Rider going 1 on 4 in front of an empty Rose Garden.

3) Do you really want our top three guys to have histories of serious knee problems? Seriously, HOW DOES THIS SOUND? Do we really want our front court to be dubbed "the micro fracture twins" and to hold our breath every time we hear a balloon pop thinking that it might be Brandon's knee? The upside is tremendous, I get that...but the downside is pretty much the worst thing to happen to the northwest since Damon Stoudamire decided to wrap his weed in aluminum foil and stroll through airport security at PDX.

Bottom line: I think the Blazers have to make this trade for two reasons.

1) We can't let Raef's contract expire and NOT take advantage of it. The Blazers don't sign overrated jerks (no offense, Raef) to big deals anymore. We're not going to get an opportunity like this again. Considering that Bosh and Wade probably aren't leaving their current teams and Lebron is headed to NY (if he's leaving Cleveland at all), the 2010 free agent market is fool's gold, and our best shot at getting another quality player is by trade. That means Amare. I love this Blazer team--LaMarcus especially, who's always been my favorite--but we have to admit that the team we have now isn't going to win a title, even if we wait 4 years for everyone to mature and keep improving. We can win a title if B-Roy is our 2nd best guy, but not if he's expected to do everything like he is now. If we wait, we'll end up sinking max money into LaMarcus, Roy and Oden and be a 6-8 seed in the west for a decade. We need to make a move now if our goal is to win an NBA title, which I assume it is.

2) LaMarcus is gone anyway so we might as well get someone in return. A few weeks ago, ESPN the Magazine has a big article that explained how emotional LA is. In one example, he didn't really talk to Brandon for six months because he thought he has been snubbed for a dinner invitation. My point is, he's not going to take these, "Aldridge at the center of trade talks" stories very well, and come 2010, he's gone. Kevin Pritchard has burned this bridge for us by letting it leak that we're willing to trade him (as opposed to Oden and Roy, who are untouchable), and that slight won't go unnoticed. That, coupled with the fact that we won't offer him as much as, say, Minnesota or Memphis, means that he's gone next Summer whether we like it or not. The only difference is if we replace him with an All-Star. I say we pull the trigger on this one, as much as it kills me.

LOVE IT.

2009-02-10T08:32:00.000-08:00

I know my stance on reality shows that make fun of people/characteristics that I hate is pretty clear. I've been tuning in to "The Tool Academy" ever since it came on a few weeks ago, and with only four tools left, I want to make something clear: the remaining tools are still assholes. Everyone one of them. They're only "winning" this "competition" because other people were somehow more obviously toolish, so it's like the producers have faced a Sophie's Choice for tools. I can't wait to see how this is going to shake out.

That said, MTV might just have one-uped VH1, because last night I watched "The Girls of Hedsor Hall." It's basically a female-tool academy, only in England. I don't know what it is about the United Kingdom that makes most Americans assume it's citizens are automatically more dignified, but clearly that's what the creators of these shows are going for. Even TA's therapist is British. Last night on the season premiere of TGOHH, a British "Lord" called told one drunken American girl that she looked like a horse. Naturally, hilarity/fits ensued. Obviously, I'll be tuning in every week.

In other news, I've spend a large portion of my time lately thinking about potential trades the Blazers could make between now and the February 19th deadline. Personally I'd rather just stand-pat this year and see where we're at, especially once we get Martell Webster back to spruce up our perimiter defense and three-point shooting. There's only one problem--Raef's expiring contract that we can't afford to not take advantage of. I'm really glad Kevin Pritchard is our GM because I have no clue what I would do in this situation.

Happy birthday to me!

2009-02-04T08:39:00.000-08:00

I turn 26 today. *High-Five!* Wow. I'm fighting the urge to not sound like that guy from "Garden State" who's all, "I'm only 26, it's not like I have to figure out my whole life right now." Actually, things are going really well over here at camp T-Mac. I'm coaching not one but TWO squads that I love, and I'm dating an amazing woman who loves me loves me loves me, which is always good. Plus, I've got one of THESE and it's totally changing how I run, which is good because I can afford to lose some weight (I've gone from "healthily filled-out to "dangerously overweight" in the two and a half months since I've been back). The next few months are going to be really exciting, so I'll try to keep the 2 of you who read this blog updated.

Back and better than ever!

2009-01-28T09:13:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be coaching for Pacific University again while serving as the Assistant Director of Forensics for the rest of the season! Yay! This is great for about 400 reasons and I'm super excited about it. However, this does create a little wrinkle in that I had already committed to judging at some tournaments for Willamette. For example, this weekend at Western Washington, I'll be judging all the debate rounds for Willamette and all speech rounds for Pacific. The madness continues:

Traveling with: Willamette.

Staying with: Pacific.

Breakfast: Pacific.

Dinner: Willamette.

Don't even get me started on which team I'll be hanging out with in between rounds. I'll hopefully have enough ballots that I won't have much time for those somewhat awkard exchanges. In somewhat related news, I'm just about finished with my last bit of grad school stuff so I should know where I'm going soon. OH, and the Blazers are going to kick the crap out of the Bobcats tonight. Just FYI.

Tune in on Sunday!

2009-01-19T15:26:00.000-08:00

This is the best show I've ever seen. The Tool Academy on VH1 is amazing. If I were to make a list of things that really, really bother me, I'm not sure what the exact order would be, but I can say with confidence that the following things would be included:

--Parades
--Cross-eyed children
--Super-macho, chest-thumping guys
--Girls who date super-macho, chest-thumping guys
--The Los Angeles Lakers

This show combines two of those things. The Tool Academy exists entirely to make fun of jerk guys and their idiot girlfriends who put up with them. The dudes are exactly who you would expect--emotional 6th graders and total losers who are completely unaware of how, well, toolish they are. Their girlfriends are arguably even more entertaining since every guy on this show has done or said about 15 things in the first two episodes that would have been automatic, global-killers for their "relationships" if the girls had any self-esteem whatsoever. I love it. LOVE IT. Try it.

First Class

2009-01-09T13:43:00.000-08:00

I'm just finishing up an east-coast visit to see Jessica--we fly back to Portland tomorrow, yay! On my way out here, though, I was flying from Portlant to Atlanta, then Atlanta to Boston. I got to the PDX airport at 6 pm--I was on the red-eye--only to find out that my flight from Atlanta to Boston the next day was cancelled, so they put me on another series of flights for the next day. That meant that I had to spend the night at the Portland airport since I couldn't get there the next morning in time to make my flight because the trains don't run that early. It was largely uneventful since I took one of those 5-hour energy drinks which didn't make me "wired" as much as it prevented me from closing my eyes for 12 hours. I de-linted my sweater and read Team of Rivals all night. Fun times.

Anyway, the next day, they put me in first class to Atlanta to make up for bumping me the day before, which was ok. I wasn't that impressed, honestly. The food was better and the bathrooms were nicer, and mostly what struck me the most was that the rules just don't apply to you in first class--I stood up whenever I wanted to and didn't buckle my seatbelt EVER. The movies were free too, which was good. I watched the new Batman movie again and I'll say this--Heath Ledger is TERRIFYING when you haven't slept in 36 hours.

The only other thing worth mentioning was who was in the seat next to me--a woman with an 9-month-old-baby whom she nursed 7 times in the 5 hour flight. She also pierced the baby's ears, which I'm not a fan of. If you're still nursing, I think it's probably too early to subject your child an unnecessary piercing. Anyway, the second I saw Jess in Boston I told her that I accidentally cheated on her, again. Between this, the strip club that I, hand-to-God, ACCIDENTALLY walked into the other day, and the beaches of Ochakiv, that's three seperate occasions that I've seen boobs in the last six months that weren't hers. I still feel slighly guilty.

Playoff thoughts

2009-01-06T13:40:00.000-08:00

We lost, bummer. Still, good showing by LaMarcus. There are four teams that should get into the playoffs without much effort--the Lakers, Hornets, Rockets and Spurs. Since it will take 50+ wins to get in again this year, I think there are five team that will be fighting for those last four spots--Dallas, Utah, Denver, Phoenix and Portland. BTW, if any of those teams didn't get in, I would lean back in my chair and go, "WOW, holy crap, ____ didn't get in? We really need to re-work the seeding system in the NBA!"

Anyway, I think Denver gets in because they've been playing really well since they got Chauncey Billups, a tough, experienced, pass-first PG who makes everyone, and more importantly Carmelo Anthony, better. Utah probably gets in, too, because when healthy, Williams is one of the best point guards alive, the Delta Center is really tough to win in, and Jerry Sloan is a HOF coach. Phoenix probably guts out 50 wins, too, since they're playing really well now that they've got another scorer in Richardson.

That leaves us and Dallas. Now, the Mavs are good. They can go to Dirk when the offense stalls and Terry can attack the rim and shoot with the best in the league. Plus, Rick Carlisle is an underrated coach who knows how to match up against the other team better than anyone in the league, which makes them a tough team to beat, as they showed in the Rose Garden last week. Still, they've got no depth beyond Dirk and Terry, and Jason Kidd got slower while I was typing this.

The Blazers have a pretty good schedule for the rest of the way--slightly more games at home, and slightly more games against bad teams than everyone else in the West. We played a really tough opening schedule to start the year and we'll be rewarded for it down the stretch. We're a playoff team right now, especially once we get Roy back, and we've just got to excecute down the stretch.

Brendo's blog

2008-12-20T09:07:00.000-08:00

http://www.2ndroundreach.blogspot.com/ This is awesome. Also, I took the GRE yesterday and it went as well as I could have hoped, so yea, bring on Grad School!

Quick update

2008-12-07T22:11:00.000-08:00

I have a job doing something I really believe in--it's hard work, but it's challenging and rewarding, and I'm working with cool people. Also, I take the GRE in a few days and I'm studying hard for that every day, and I'm about to apply to a bunch of graduate schools. I'm going to visit Jessica the day after Christmas, too. Yay!

Faith

2008-11-30T17:54:00.000-08:00

I went to church with my mom today. For the sake of full disclosure, I should say that it was a Baptist church. It was a weird experience for me. On the one hand, I don't really object to about 90% of what's being said. I believe in God (as a Baha'i, I think my position on this is pretty clear), that it's awesome to be a good person and to treat others well, and that more often then not, people who are religious tend to me nice. On the other hand, and maybe this is the debater in my that can't sit still while someone's talking without mentally attacking all the weaker points in their argument, I was able to recognize that there are plenty of religious people who aren't that nice.

Pretend for a second you are about to be set up on a blind date. You have two choices: A) a smart, successful, attractive person who has similar interests and hobbies as you, and B) a smart, successful, attractive person who has similar interests and hobbies as you would describe themselves as very religious. Chuck Klosterman offers this same hypothetical about "extremely patriotic" people, and I think it's a very similar analogy and that the results would probably be similar--the vast majority of people I know, of my close friends, would immediately choose person A. Now, I am patriotic and religious, and I would still choose person A, too, because, for a variety of reasons, my knee-jerk reaction is to be uncomfortable around religious people.

Catching up

2008-11-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

"Someone Who Will Watch Over Me," by Frank McGinnis, is one of the most terrible duo's ever. Two guys from Sam Barlow did that duo my junior year of high school and edged David and I out at the National Qualifying Tournament and at state because, well, we had a terrible, overdone, "high school in Oregon" piece that our coach was too incompetent to wave off, so we wasted our abilities on the interpretive equivalent of an athlete saying, "you've got to just take it one day at a time," in a post-game news conference. But I digress.

In this particular piece, two British guys are imprisoned somewhere and they think about all the stuff they want to do and all the things they want to eat when they get out. In Ukraine I frequently made lists like that in my head--I think we all did--and here's my partial list:

--See lots of movies: CHECK. I've rented and watched "Hard Candy," "The Queen," "Indiana Jones 4," "Before the Devil Knows You're Dead," the entire fourth season of "Nip/Tuck," and "Lions for Lambs." "Before the Devil..." is by far the best. If you haven't seen this, GO RENT IT RIGHT NOW.

--Go to a movie theatre: NOPE. I haven't gotten out to one yet, largely because nothing in the theatres interests me...but I will go soon.

--Go to a Taco Bell: NOPE. This one really surprises me. In Ukraine I thought about Taco Bell a lot, at least 3-4 times a week, so if you would have told me I would have been home for a week and NOT gone to one, I wouldn't have believed it. I really have no excuse. I'll go.

--Watch the Portland Trailblazers on TV-- CHECK. I watched my boys beat up on Sacramento (twice) and Chicago, and David and I are going to see the Heat game tomorrow. I'm SOOO excited!

--Get new shoes: CHECK...kind of. I got some new Doc Martin's the day after I got back, but they're being shipped to me.

--Start running again: CHECK...and...NOPE. I ran the first two days after I got back, but then I decided to bow to popular opinion and stop running because I look better the way I am. The consensus is that I look MUCH healthier since I've put on about 20 pounds during my Peace Corps service. As a Peace Corps employee told me before I left, "You have become a man in this country!" I'll be healthier and yet slightly let in shape if that's the case, so pass the fries.

This list is longer and I promise to keep updating it.

Contracts!

2008-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

Top 20 NBA Salaries:

1. Kevin Garnett (Boston) $24,751,934 --About right...SLIGHTLY too much, but worth it to keep him happy. Unless he has a stroke during a Tuesday game against the Grizzlies. Then it's a bad deal.

2t. Jason Kidd (Dallas) $21,372,000--Maybe ten years ago...wait, that's about when this deal was signed. Ouch. Maybe he can get his gold medal back from that Casino in vegas and sell it for a new pair of legs.

2t. Jermaine O'Neal (Toronto) $21,372,000--max money for a bench player who acts like he's 12 because that's when people stopped holding him accountable for any decision he made? Ouch.

4. Kobe Bryant (L.A. Lakers) $21,262,500--Not enough. Mamba!

5. Shaquille O'Neal (Phoenix) $21,000,000--Does he make that on his days off? Does this cover the cement they coat his legs with before each home game? I get that he's playing better this year, but this was still a stupid deal for Miami to give him after they won the title considering how he played in the playoffs.

6t. Allen Iverson (Detroit) $20,840,625--About 10 mill too high. Enjoy Charlotte next year, AI.

6t. Stephon Marbury (New York) $20,840,625--Mike D can now light himself on fire while jerking-off to game footage of Derrick Rose.

8. Tim Duncan (San Antonio) $20,598,704--He's there only good player now--and their only hope to stay in it while their whole fucking roster is injured--so it's about right. BRING BACK BIG SHOT ROB!

9. Tracy McGrady (Houston) $20,370,437--T-MAC! The Rockets don't win without him in the playoffs, so probably worth it, even though he's always hurt.

10. Ray Allen (Boston) $18,388,430--About 2-3 mill too high. Here's an idea--convince him to film a "He Got Game" sequel this summer to make up what he'll lose in his new contract!

11. Dirk Nowitzki (Dallas) $18,077,904--Look, he's GOOD. And he'll probably never win a ring unless it's the "Mitch Richmond jumping on the Lakers at the end of his career" type deal. Sad.

12. Paul Pierce (Boston) $18,077,903--He's playing like he wants to be known as the best in the league, and while that's debatable, guys with that attitude deserve this kind of money.

13. Shawn Marion (Miami) $17,810,000--This guy will end up being involved with more teams than Larry Brown before all's said and done. He's just good enough to help you and just bad enough to keep you from winning it all (unless of course he was playing in the perfect system for him that strongly emphasized his strengths. Sorry Suns fans).

14. Rashard Lewis (Orlando) $16,447,871--Wait, lil-bow-wow plays for the Magic?

15. Michael Redd (Milwaukee) $15,780,000--You know that girl who dates that total jerk off for years and seems completely oblivious to how shitty the situation is? That's Michael Redd in Milwaukee.

16t. Pau Gasol (L.A. Lakers) $15,106,000--About right--maybe a little to low considering that the Lakers don't win a title without good playoff games from him. Still, the neck beard makes this salary appropriate.

16t. Andrei Kirilenko (Utah) $15,106,000--The Jazz will lose Boozer to free agency and will trade AK-47 for one of those Brevin Knight-Emeka Okafor deals that makes everyone cringe. Mark my words--the Jazz are on the way out and Williams will be the next Jason Kidd in 5 years.

18t. Amare Stoudemire (Pho.) $15,070,550--About right. As much as he wants to prove to everyone that he's the best player ever, and while I agree he has that potential, he hasn't done it yet. Until he gets there, this is about right.

18t. Yao Ming (Houston) $15,070,550. I watched a really good Rockets-Wizards game the other night, and Yao just dominated down the stretch in the post with a few big boards and monster dunks. People forget that he's actually really good--a great passer and solid shooter. While his d is suspect, he still gives you more than he takes away. This is right for him.

20. Mike Bibby (Atlanta) $14,983,600. Atlanta needs leadership and he was the only one on those early-2000's Kings teams that had any heart at all. I like him in Atlanta. While that team won't win a playoff series, they're still a little dangerous because of what Joe Johnson can do, and Bibby adds one more weapon for them.

Those were the top 20 Salaries. These guys need to be making more money, though:

1) Brandon Roy (Portland) $3,084,240. If he's your best player, you CAN win a title. That deserves max-money in my book.

2) LaMarcus Aldridge (Portland) $4,631,400. The Blazers are only as good as LaMarcus. If he gives the Blazers 20-10, they're VERY tough to beat. If he stinks like he did last week againt Golden State (4 pts, 4 rbs, 6 pf), we lose. He deserves mid-level money, probably 5-6 years and 45-50 million.

3) Rudy Fernandez (Portland) $1,084,080. He's been the 2nd best guy on the team this year and has the potential to be an all-star, even in the west, even off the bench. Right now he's either 1-2 in the Rookie of the Year voting. Honestly, when has a european import had this big of an impact this soon? It took Dirk 4-5 years to become a factor in every Mavs game. Rudy deserves about the same as LaMarcus depending on how this season goes, especially playoffs, beacuse if he lights up our first round team like he did Team USA in the gold medal game, the guy deserves max money and the key to the city.

Guys who make just the right amount of money:

1) Travis Outlaw (Portland) $4,000,000. He was the 11-12 guy on our roster for about 4 years, and since then he's molded himself into a great 3-pt shooter and legitimate defender. Still, until he proves he can do it for a whole season, this is about right.

2) Greg Oden (Portland) $5,011,680. Before he came to Portland, we were giving up 99 points a game, and since his return, we're giving up around 90. If he can stay healthy, and avoid getting stupid ticky-tac fouls, he could be the all-star everyone originally thought.

3) Joel Przybilla (Portland) $6,310,150. Yes, he should make more money than Oden, at least for now. He plays hard every night and is a BEAST on the boards. I've always liked him.

Guys who make too much money:

1) Jerryd Bayliss (Portland) $1,993,560. He tends to make bad decisions, but he is a rookie. I like Blake and Sergio more than him, though, and I think he has a "I'm mad about not getting minutes, TRADE ME" and then going someplace and being a decent back-up guard written all over him.

2) Martell Webster (Portland) $3,771,133. He's been out all year and no one's missed him since Outlaw and Batum are clearly better. Every ESPN.com trade machine scenerio I play with involves getting rid of him.

3) Ike Diogu (Portland) $2,912,823. He's our third-string center and he only plays in garbage time. When he plays, he's ok--he was great against Chicago, for example--but the guys ahead of him are better. Again, a good part of a trade package.

Guys who make so much money that Paul Allen should push them down a flight of stairs just to get them off our cap:

1) Raef LaFrentz (Portland): $12,722,500. Yes, that's right. Raef makes more than double what anyone else on our whole fucking roster makes. And he hasn't, to my knowledge, played a minute all season. I love Kevin Pritchard, but this one is just inexcusable.

So, my concerns for the Blazers are basically two-fold:

1) Someone will offer LaMarcus, Rudy, Oden and maybe Outlaw much more money than they should get. Like, the Clippers could offer Rudy a max deal, or the Warriors could over-bid on LaMarcus because they need size, etc. That would really hurt us because we need all those guys to stay good and we can't afford to offer all of them max-money. Roy should get max money, but if EVERYONE demands it, then we can't make a serious run at Lebron/Bosh/Nash/Dirk--though I'm not saying all those guys would work for us, just that we need cap room/flexibility.

2) The Kings or some asshole club will sign Darius Miles, the Portland Trailblazers version of herpes that just won't go away, to play 2-minutes/game for the last 10 games of the year just so he stays on our cap and we have to pay him for this season (9 million). Some mistakes you just never stop paying for.

First thoughts back

2008-11-22T16:16:00.000-08:00

I've been back for four days now. Some things I've enjoyed:

--watching the Blazers beat the shit out of the Bulls and Kings on TV (with a game against Phoenix tonight!)
--watching an entire season of Nip/Tuck as well as several movies that I missed while away
--going shoe shopping and spending time with my sister
--driving a car at alarming speeds (everything moves slower in Ukraine)
--running without dogs chasing me
--no trash everywhere
--spending time with mom and dad and enjoying some American home cooking!
--taking hot showers whenever I want
--drinking tap water without worrying that I'll get a stomach parasite
--how nice store clerks and people on the street are

Some things I've not enjoyed:

--people calling it THE Ukraine instead of Ukraine; people in THE America can be so stubborn
--narrowly missing out on meeting the new PCV at my old school, Michael McCovern
--running after 18 months off--OUCH!
--not speaking Russian
--people being able to understand what I'm saying about them in English
--missing my students
--missing long talks about the former Soviet Union with my host grandmother
--not having a job
--how I have an urge to eavesdrop on conversations in English (so, everything)

I'm sure they'll be more stuff to add to this list later. If you're reading this and you're in the northwest, CALL ME (503-707-6384) and we'll get together!

I'm back

2008-11-20T09:39:00.000-08:00

After traveling for 36 hours, not counting the train ride to Kiev, I'm back in Forest Grove. Since I had to clear all of my blogs with Peace Corps while I was over there, they were naturally a lot less funny; I promise that will improve. I want to make something clear first, though--I really enjoyed my time in Ukraine. On the flights home I re-read my journals from my service and about 90% of the things I wrote were positive observations about Ukraine and the Peace Corps. So, when I write something about how the Post Office drove me crazy or how people never picked up their trash, please remember that those moments were the exceptions to the rule.

Overall, I HIGHLY recommend the Peace Corps. Before I joined, I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, I had few practical skills and I had just gotten out of a long and largely unhealthy relationship. Now I know exactly what I want to do, I'm qualified to do dozens of things and I'm in a great relationship with an AMAZING woman. Peace Corps is the cause of all of that. So, like I said, I recommend the Peace Corps.

That said, when Jessica and I were at JFK eating fast food, we just looked around and cried about how happy we were to be back. I firmly believe that everyone should live abroad for a long period of time just so they appreciate how fucking great we have it here. I could and eventually will go into details about all of this but right now just know that I'm grateful to be home. I love and miss you all!

Final days

2008-11-15T00:57:00.000-08:00

I'm all packed up and I leave Ochakiv for good tomorrow. I should be home late Tuesday night and I'm hoping for an easy flight. I'll post more about it later, but right now I'm just walking around like Thomas Hill 13 seconds in to this clip of the famous Duke-Kentucky game.

Packing up

2008-11-12T01:29:00.000-08:00

When Peace Corps Volunteers finish their service, they frequently have far too much stuff than they can actually pack, and usually this benefits the newer PCV's in their region. I had taken advantage of this on several occasions, but this time, it was my stuff that was pillaged by my friends.

Last weekend Rosa and Wendy came to Ochakiv and took a lot of stuff that I couldn't possibly take with me, and it was a mutually beneficial transaction--they got a bunch of DVD's, bedding, towels and general office supplies that aren't available here, and I will now have a much easier time packing. However, one big thing warrants mentioning. I had left all of the stuff I planned to leave or give away in my old apartment, so when Rosa and Wendy arrived, that's where we went.

To my surprise and annoyance, I discovered that during the two weeks I had been gone from that apartment and my landlady and her husband had moved in, they had purchased and installed A) a brand-new stove with four awesome burners and an oven that could actually open/be used (instead of the crappy "no oven and one mediocre burner" that I had) and B) a brand-new hot water heater (you know, so they could actually shower instead of heating up water in buckets and pour it over themselves).

So, to review, after living in the apartment for two weeks, they found it so miserable that they made two fairly large purchases to make it more comfortable and "livable" for them, apparently not caring that that's how I was living FOR TWO YEARS. Ukrainians repeatedly ask PCV's "how can you live like this?" I never understood until last weekend that THEY don't live like we do--they live much better and much for comfortably. On a related note, I'm coming home in 8 days where I will be able to shower whenever I want with hot water and bake things for fun.

Yes, we DID!

2008-11-05T00:59:00.000-08:00

This is fantastic...I woke up at 5:30 this morning terrified that I hadn't heard anything about the election yet, and went outside to talk to my friend Greg so I wouldn't wake my sleeping host family. We talked for about a half hour while he was getting live updates on his computer, and every so often he would erupt with "they just called Pennsylvania!" or "they just called Ohio!" and all the while, I was watching the sun come up over the neighboring apartment buildings. That's the perfect analogy for an Obama win--the sun coming up after a long, cold night. Finally. I've never been prouder to be an American.

I hate the post office

2008-10-22T06:47:00.000-07:00

I hate the post office more than anything else in Ukraine. Really, I can tolerate pretty much everything else, but the Post Office is the one place that makes me really freak out. What happened to me today is a great example of why I feel this way. So, my parents sent me a package about 6 weeks ago, and since it usually takes about 3-4 weeks for a package to get here, and since I had been away from Ochakiv for a week, I KNEW it was there. So, I wasn't surprised when I found a little note in my box telling me to come pick up my package. HOWEVER, when I went to get it, after waiting in line for 40 minutes, the lady looked around, said she couldn't find it, and when I asked her to check again, she told me to go ask another lady who works with letters.

That new woman did find my Presidential Election ballot (though I already got another one in Kiev and mailed it off, GO BARACK!) and another small envelope of articles/letters from home (which, for some reason, they didn't put in my box), but not my package. I asked her if I could look back where the packages where myself because I was convinced that it was there and the woman was just missing it, and she told me to go ask her since it wasn't get department (who knew the post office was so departmentalized?!). So, after standing in line for another half-hour, I asked the lady at the package desk if I could come back and look, and she said "Nelzya Zahdidtya," or "don't come in," but I pretended I only heard "zahaditya," or "come in," and went through a door and around the counter anyway.

She told me, in Russian, that she said specifically not to come in, and I said that I just wanted to look for a minute to see if I had my package. She said no, and I said please repeatedly in my most wining, annoying voice, all the while forcing myself between her and the back room. Once there, it took about .0009 seconds for me to spot my giant package lying on top of all the other packages, with my name printed in big, clear letters in Russian and English on a bright neon-pink address label (thanks dad!). Just as she was about to shove me outside again and/or call for help, I shouted "ETA YA! VOT ETA, MIYA PASILKA! TAM! TAM!" (This is me! This one, my package!! There! There!). The lady, comparing the name in my passport to the name on the package, was forced to admit that she messed up and had (somehow) overlooked this monstrosity of a package taking up 1/3rd of her back room full of packages. She was mildly apologetic for the mix-up. After signing some things, I now have a package--the last one I'll get from home--full of delicious food and wonderful newspaper articles.

In hindsight, I have some thoughts.

1. I'm very lucky to have gotten EVERY SINGLE ONE of the packages my parents and everyone else has sent me. Most Peace Corps Volunteers are not that lucky. Jessica, for example, has gotten less than half of the stuff her parents have sent her. I'm also lucky to have such amazing, loving, kind-hearted parents who have sent me over a dozen packages that have made my life in Ukraine a lot easier. My parents are seriously the best in the world.

2. Sometimes it pays to be pushy and slightly rude when you know you're in the right.

3. I hate the post office.

Moving on up (or down?), moving on out...

2008-10-22T04:41:00.001-07:00

I just moved back in with a host family. The Pro's:

--They're really nice
--It's across from my school so I don't have to walk 30 minutes in the morning and I can sleep in
--It's right by the good internet cafe that's open late so I'll have regular internet access

The Con's:

--They have an out-house
--My room doesn't have a light, only a lamp
--Did I mention the out-house?

Whatever, I only need to deal with it for 28 more days. I love you all and I'll see you soon!

Straight out of Fight Club

2008-10-14T03:42:00.000-07:00

I'm in Kiev doing some final close-of-service medical appointments for a few days, and yesterday I got a call from my regional manager. He told me that there was a huge gas explosion in my landlord's apartment building, one floor below where he and his wife live. Sadly, one person was killed. That also means that my landlord will be moving into my apartment for the last month of my service, and I'll be moving...someplace. Right now it's looking like I'll either stay with the family of one of my 10A students, Sasha, or in a hotel. Still, I'm only here for about a month more, so it won't be too bad. It's just a shame that my great luck with apartments had to end so close to my being done here, and in such a sad and horrific way. See you soon!

Counting it down!

2008-10-12T08:28:00.001-07:00

Less than 40 days left...I'm really excited to come home, and kind of sad to leave. Lately I've been:

A) Getting a new toilet--I was without one for 3 days. DON'T ASK.
B) Watching the Boston Red Sox from here in my first post-season as a Sox fan, and wearing my Sox hat all around Ochakiv.
C) Teaching an ADORABLE group of 5th graders who love life and my lessons.
D) Making plans for back home.
E) Lamenting the recent rash of injuries that hit the Portland Trailblazers.
F) Obsessively looking at polls on www.pollster.com

Miss you all, see you soon!

Thanks, Ben Bernanke.

2008-09-25T02:59:00.001-07:00

The falling dollar continues to frustrate me. So, inflation in Ukraine is INSANE, like 25%, and despite Peace Corps best efforts, our living allowances just aren't keeping up. I went through mine by the 16th of the month, which made me feel guilty because I thought I was spending way to much money and was being irresponsible, but then I thought about it, and I wasn't buying anything extravagent. I was buying FOOD. That's it. My diet consists of eggs, water, bread, sausage and cheese. I rarely eat anything other than that. Yet, I spent all my money in half the time.

So, I've had to take out several cash advances on my credit card (almost 100 USD so far), and today I went to the ATM for another one, only it was declined. I was in a PANIC, since I literally have no other money...maybe a few Griven in change...and our new allowances aren't due for another 3-4 days. So, I called my bank, and they said that what I was requesting was below the minimum required balance, despite the fact that I had taken that exact amount out two other times in the past week. So, to review--the dollar fell even more over the weekend and gave me a heart attack.

USA Basketball!

2008-09-15T03:31:00.001-07:00

I really, really like Olympic basketball, and international hoops in general. So much so, in fact, that during the 2006 World Championships in Alaska, I stayed up until 5 AM watching the games live, and it was so brutal to watch Team USA go down in flames to a Bronze Age Civilization (Greece) running high screens that I screamed repeatedly and woke my whole family up. So, when the 2008 Olympics rolled around, I was more than a little excited about it and more than a little annoyed that no one in Ukraine seems to care about USA basketball. To their credit, sword fighting and Judo are more than adequately represented on Megasport, but for the life of me, I couldn't watch any of the games live like I could back home. If I were in America, I would have been able to watch us beat Lithuania, Argentina, Australia and China, but instead I just had to pace outside an Internet cafe waiting for it to open up so I could read the highlights on ESPN.

With the gold medal game looming, I decided to distract myself by going to a lake with a bunch of friends. However, when we got there, it started to rain--POUR, actually--and we ducked into a beer tent that miraculously had satellite TV. I was beside myself with joy while watching the first three quarters of the game, and also a little nervous that Spain was keeping it close. However, after the 3rd quarter ended, the Ukrainian men in the tent started to applaud--like they thought the game was over--and took the remote away from me. As I tried to explain that there was another quarter left and Team USA only had an 8-point lead, and THIS WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT BASKETBALL GAME EVER, to my horror, they changed the channel so they could watch the Independence Day Parade in Kiev. Now, with the exception of cross-eyed children, there is nothing in the world I hate more than parades, and this didn't help. I sat there, seething, as they cheered the Ukrainian army marching down the center of Kiev, and as my friends--a group of 8 women who were honestly cheering for Spain for most of the game just to get a rise out of me, making them the least-appropriate people I could have possibly watched the game with--tried to get me to calm down. The parade ended 8 minutes later and I got to watch the end of the game, though, so it wasn't all bad. Bill Simmons wrote a column about it here: http://sports.espn.go.com/espnmag/story?section=magazine&id=3575385.

Book reviews!

2008-09-10T07:51:00.000-07:00

Book reviews!

I just finished my 80th book in Ukraine (although about 25 of them have been read in the past three months since my computer stopped playing DVD's), and here's my top 5:

1) In Cold Blood. In the running for best book I've ever read. Amazing. I can't believe I hadn't read it until now.

2) Lenin's Tomb. This book was the most eye-opening about the former Soviet Union I've ever read. A must-read for anyone at all interested in this part of the world.

3) Under the Banner of Heaven. A great read about Fundamentalist Mormons and the LDS church in general, with a fantastic debate in the back between the author and an LDS representative.

4) East of Eden. Steinbeck is great, as always. I remember loving Of Mice and Men but wishing it were about 600 pages longer. Well, this is it: Steinbeck at his best and by the barrell.

5) Theodore Rex. A terrific biography (# 2 in a trilogy) about Teddy. I couldn't put it down. If you like Presidential Bio's, this is for you."

Rethinking Greeks

2008-08-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

In college, I was one of the biggest opponents of the Greek System of fraternities and sororities on campus, to the point where in the eyes of many people, that's all I was know for. I had my reasons, some more valid than others, but a lot of it had more to do with me than with the Greeks on campus. Those of you who know me well know that I had a girlfriend for 3 years of college and I've come to realize that that relationship kept me from having a typical college experience on some levels. In my head, the only reason to go to parties was to meet girls, and I already had a girlfriend, so they were effectively pointless. Plus, I was dealing with a lot of issues involving alcohol use, and in my mind, ANYONE who drank even moderately was terrible.

Obviously, that was silly. I've come to this, though--if I had it to do over again, I would have seriously considered rushing Phi Delta Theta or some other fraternity, mostly because I would just have had a really good time. Peace Corps has been for me in many ways what college should have been--relaxed, productive, fun and valuable. Add to that the fact that most of my really good friends in Peace Corps were in frats and sororities in college, and I've come to realize that most of my stereotypes about the Greek system were just inaccurate. Mostly, my views of the Greek System were based on the fact that I just didn't like feeling excluded, and a lot of that had to do with the sort of person I was when I was in 22--immature. One of the best things Peace Corps has given me is the maturity to relax and enjoy myself. For that, I'm grateful.

Let's go Blazers!

2008-08-09T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've had a great summer so far. Three awesome camps in the bag. Now I'm going to be working on other stuff for the school year and talking myself into thinking the Blazers can contend this season. It's not that tough. We lost (in as much as a 41-41 season can be considered losing) last year because of a lack of size, a lack of leadership, and spotty point guard play. Now we had Greg Oden in the middle, we're a little bit older and we've got two new point guards in Rudy Fernandez and Jerryd Bayliss...on paper, we're good enough to make the playoffs and maybe even win a series or two, especially in the run and shoot western conference where you need to be fast and have good three-point guys, and we've got a glut of fast foreign dudes and loads of shooters (Blake, Roy, Outlaw, Jones, Bayliss)...and it's only going to go up from there. Plus, even if something's not working and we need to make a move, we're more loaded with prospects, draft picks and cash than any team in the league (which also means we can make a serious run at any one of the roughly 458 great free agents who will be on the market in the next two years). I've picked a great time to come home from Ukraine, GO BLAZERS!

Computer Miracle...sort of.

2008-07-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

By no small miracle, the computer my parents mailed to me got here in one piece and it (mostly) works. The only thing not functioning at the moment is the disc drive, which is a small but crucial part of the laptop since it was "de-fragged" before it was mailed and many key programs are gone. Because I can't use the CD drive, I can't upload (and subsequently use) the software needed for my camera, iTunes, Microsoft Office or, obviously, any movies. That means that the laptop is mostly used to play solitaire and watch the same five episodes of "Lost," which my sister downloaded at some point and somehow managed to survive the great purge. Let me say this--there is probably no show in the universe that is more confusing when watched out of order by someone with no prior history of the show than Lost. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. None. I am, fittingly enough, lost. Anyway, I'm off on another 22 hour train ride tomorrow to visit some friends before making my way towards another Summer camp, so I might not be blogging for a while. Just know that I love and miss you all.

Camp 50 Update!

2008-06-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

Camp 50 is 80% over and going really well. I've discovered that if you fill your camp with awesome people, it pretty much runs itself. I invited all my really good friends in Peace Corps to come and work as teachers or "team leaders" and the fact that I try and surround myself with smart, funny folks really has paid off. I'm really busy pretty much all day, and I can't be everywhere at once, but because all the PCV's are great, that hasn't mattered.

Today, for example, I had to run some people across town to the train-ticket office so they could get their tickets home from camp, and we got back about 20 minutes late, only to find that the kids had eaten their snack and were playing Ultimate Frisbee with 6 PCV's during their free time before their next lesson. Later, I was a little late getting back from buying materials for the relay-race activity, only to find Dana and Ravi (two team leaders) organizing a human-knot team-building activity. Needless you say, I love having such awesome friends.

Tomorrow is beach day when, after a day of lessons, we'll be going to the beach and building sand castles. BEST SUMMER CAMP EVER! I love and miss you all.

I like that guy who invented the stove, too.

2008-06-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

I watched game one of the NBA finals the other night, and after Paul Pierce went down with a phantom injury, his coach Doc Rivers said this: "like the guy from South Africa said, 'adversity is something you can get over.' This is why we play all 12 guys" This is funny for a few reasons:

1) Doc Rivers, a black man, didn't know Nelson Mandela's name.

2) He mis-quoted him. What he was going for, I think, was, "The greatest glory in living lies not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail." So, not even close.

3) You should never play all 12 guys on your roster, much less in game one of the NBA finals. Most coaches just get a set 7-8 man rotation of their best players and just play them a lot so everyone knows what their roles are and what they need to do. Mixing minutes hurts the team in the worst way and kills everyone's confidence. So, he's a terrible coach.

4) Can you imagine Kevin Garnett deciding to assert himself even more for a rebound because of any inspirational quotation, even if it's perfectly delivered? The guy is so jacked on Adrenalin he can't see straight.

5) Doc Rivers was honestly serious when he said this. Wow.

High comedy. It was by far the funniest thing I've ever seen a coach do. If the Celtics win the NBA title, and they very easily could because they're up 2-0 on the Lakers, it will be the greatest achievement ever in professional basketball.

RIP My Computer, 2002-2008

2008-05-30T01:10:00.000-07:00

My computer died last weekend. It had a good, long life. Since it was a 2002 Dell Inspiron Laptop, it had long outlived any realistic expectation that it keep working, especially since it was probably never designed to be a home entertainment center, which is what I was using it as. However, despite understanding completely why it finally moved to that farm up-state, I'm still really annoyed. Me not having a computer means the following things will be very difficult, if not impossible:

1) Uploading pictures, not to mention retrieving all my old photos that aren't on facebook already.
2) Charging my iPod shuffle in a USB port, not to mention changing the songs on there or getting to the hundreds of dollars in MP3 files in my iTunes library.
3) Typing up...anything. This includes closing out my grant for Camp 50, writing articles for PC newsletters and doing my Description of Service "essay" in a few months. Thankfully, I had already saved all my important documents (my resume, my Camp application/information) on my Flash drive, so not THAT much stuff is lost, but still, it's really annoying.
4) Watching any of the 50+ movies/TV shows that I have.

I will miss having a computer and that's probably going to be the first thing I buy when I get back home.

Almost done!

2008-05-29T00:47:00.001-07:00

Almost done with school. This is the first full school year that I've taught in Ukraine and I'm frankly glad that it's over. Not that I don't love my kids (I do) or my school (it's awesome), but I just need a break. So, with that in mind, I'm going on a work-related series of trips all over the country, visiting friends who will be working with me at various Summer camps in the weeks and months ahead. I hope to catch some NBA Finals games at some point, too. I also spent 4 hours a day last weekend at the beach. Good times. I love and miss you all!

Three more good things

2008-05-21T03:06:00.000-07:00

1) My Partnership Grant was FULLY FUNDED!!! That means that "Camp 50" WILL HAPPEN next month, yay! Thank you all so much for the support.

2) Barack Obama dominated the Oregon Primary! I didn't arrive at my decision lightly, but his speech on race, along with Bill Richardson's endorsement and his plan to make Community College free swung me to the Barack camp, and I couldn't be happier that my home state came through.

3) The Blazers got the 13th pick in the 2008 NBA Draft, despite not needing a lot of help next year. More good news for basketball in the Rose City!

I love and miss you all!

The NBA...it's faaaantastic! Or it would be if I could watch games.

2008-05-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

The NBA playoffs are in full swing. I've been going to the Internet to get results and calling my friends Ravi and Mike to discuss what's been happening pretty much every day. Last night, the Lakers/Jazz and Cavs/Celtics both had game 5's, and we all decided that it was the best single night of basketball in five years, and we missed it. If I were back home, I would be planning my whole day around when, how and who with I would watch these games. Here I just have to wait until morning. For a huge basketball fan like me, it's really just torture. The only thing that could make it worse is if the Blazers were involved. Thank God I won't have to worry about that until next season. :-) Also, Camp 50 is slowly getting funded, and thanks to all of you who have donated. If you haven't kicked in 10-20 TAX DEDUCTIBLE dollars so Ukrainian kids can go to a Summer camp, please do so. I would really appreciate it. Thanks! I love and miss you all!

Three cool things

2008-05-05T00:03:00.000-07:00

Three cool things. First, SOFTBALL! I played in asoftball tournament this weekend and I'm really happy about it. Is it considered un-cool to charge the mound in a charity softball tournament for orphans? :-) I ended up going 9/15 with four RBI's and a bunch of runs ober five games, too, so not bad all around.

Second, I was RECENTLY ELECTED to the Peace Corps Ukraine VolunteerAdvisory Council (VAC), one of only two representatives from my group of 80+ PCV's, so I'm pretty happy. It's like student government, only with some influence over things that actually influence the lives of people, like mail and money. My campaign speech was:

"BLOOD ALONE MOVES THE WHEELS OF HISTORY! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation which everyone finds during the day, how long we have been striving for greatness? (Slam!) Not onlythe years we've been at war, the war of WORK. But from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle (Slam!), a never-ending fight, I say to you(Slam!), and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight!(light applause) We are warriors!! (moderate applause) G31 PCV's, I ask you, (Slam!) once more rise and be worthy of this historical hour!Some people will tell you "TEFL" is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door-to-door charlatans. This is ourduty to change their perception. I say, salesmen, and women, of the world, unite! (applause) We must never acquiesce, for it is together, together (with the audience) that we prevail! (takes microphone in to his hand) We must never cede control of the motherland for it is (with the audience again) together that we prevail! Also, I really want to be in VAC and I think I would do an awesome job. Thanks, Thomas--"

It's straight out of "The Office," if you don't get the reference, which many people didn't. Hahaha.

Third, MY CAMP! I've e-mailed some of you already about the Summer Camp I'm hosting in June at my school, and I'm really excited aboutit. A summary, which is also found on this website, can be found below(https://www.peacecorps.gov/resources/donors/contribute/projdetail.cfm?projdesc=343-121). I've heard from several of you that you've tried to donate and the website isn't working. I'm sorry about that. If you would like tomake a tax-deductible donation, feel free to either keep trying the website, or try a faster way: donors can call the Peace Corps Grant office using their 800 number which is 800.424.8580 ext. 2170 or the general line 202.692.2170. If you choose to donate that way, you'll need the project number: 343-121. I appreciate any help you can give us. Hope all is well, love and miss you all,Thomas!

Here's the camp description:

--Camp 50! As a proud Oregonian, I frequently teach lessons about my state. My students know about Lewis and Clark, the Oregon Trail and the PortlandTrailblazers. However, they are woefully unaware about the unique beauty and culture of the other 49 states, and this is a common problem for students of Peace Corps Volunteers, simply because we like to teach about what we know and where we come from. That is where"Camp 50" comes in. The primary objective of the camp is to educate Ukrainian students about the 50 States in an English immersion setting. Camp 50 will offer PCVs the chance to teach about their states in a week-long "day camp" in my town. Camp participants will learn about American diversity—and when the camp is over, the state-by-state lesson plans will be collected and distributed to other teachers (PCV and Ukrainian) so that they can be easily used later. Additionally, teachers and counselors will discuss more serious topics like HIV/AIDS, gender discrimination, racial issues and human trafficking to promote the second objective of the camp (raising awareness of global and local social problems), and play lots of fun "energy" games with students in between lessons. Marginal camp fees pay for lunches for camp participants, teaching materials(American maps, copies, markers) and snacks, and School Number Four will donate their facilities and equipment for the duration of the camp. The Partnership Grant will pay for teacher/counselor housing, meals, travel costs and teaching materials.

My friend Ben. He's tall.

2008-04-20T20:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not taking it anymore

2008-04-17T03:58:00.000-07:00

It's Spring! That means +20 degree temperatures (I'm loving Celsius) and the sun staying out until 7:30 (instead of 3:30). The one downside of this is that the courtyard between my apartment building and the next one has become a giant bird sanctuary again. The chorus of chirps and other loud, high-pitched, alarm-like noises usually begins when the sun comes up around 5:00 AM and continues to shriek at me until whenever I can't take it any more and get up (usually around6:30). However, I'm not taking this lying down anymore.

Last year when I was bitten by some dogs, my family sent me a package that included, among other things, the movie "Cujo," doggie treats, and a spray bottle with instructions to fill half with bleach and half with water and to "aim for the eyes." I thought that was cruel, but the bottle did get some use last Saturday morning when I snapped at 5 AM and started spraying water at them from my balcony until they flew away. Good times. Not only was it fun, but it worked! They haven't come back since. I win! Also, David and Amy are awesome because they sent me really greatpackages. They win too!

Life is awesome

2008-04-10T04:50:00.000-07:00

London was GREAT! I had an amazing time. Lots to do in the next fewweeks, though, including a charity Softball tournament and an HIV seminar...then Summer and TONS of camps. So, I'm busy. Happy, but busy. Also, I'm really proud of the Blazers and how they played this year. With Oden back, we're making the playoffs next season! Oh, and Hillary Clinton is hurting America. Hugs!

The first time being a Sox fan can in handy

2008-03-14T04:55:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, Ravi, is a trash-talking Lakers fan, so lately he's had a lot to brag about considering that his team is a favorite to win the title and while the Blazers have improved, they're still a long ways off. So, imagine my joy when we had the following exchange yesterday:

Me: So, let me guess, you like the Dodgers too, considering all their big moves lately?

Ravi: Actually, I'm an Angels fan.

Me: Aaaahahahaaa...awesome.

Ravi: What? Why?

Me: I'm a Sox fan. You know those guys who have OWNED the Angels the last, oh, 20 years and eliminated them from the playoffs pretty much all the time? They're my team. Ha. Hahahaha. Hahahaaaaahahaha.

Ravi: Oh.

Me: Smell that? Smells like justice.

Why I'm voting for Barack Obama

2008-03-10T01:49:00.000-07:00

This is one reason. Also, he would make Community College free for most Americans, which is pretty awesome.

No Regrets!

2008-03-03T02:07:00.000-08:00

When I started coaching at Pacific University two years ago, I told my students that I didn't want them to look back on their speech and debate careers with any regrets. That's been my motto as a PCV in Ukraine, and so far I think I've done a good job to live by that. However, as my service starts to wind down (less than a year left), I can't help but feel a sense of urgency about seeing as much of the country as I can before I leave. I have a map of Ukraine on the wall in my apartment with all the cities/towns/villages I've been to colored in red. I got the idea from a friend of mine, Molly DeStafney, who had a similar map up in her apartment before her service ended and she went home, and I remember thinking when I saw her map (towards the end of her service, right about where I am now) that there's no way I'll ever get to that many places in Ukraine. Still, a year later, my map is lit up like a New Year's Tree. I've been to 12 Oblasts, and that number will go up soon. It's weird to think that I've seen way more of Ukraine than all of my students and most of the teachers at my school have, and I've only been here for 17 months. It really makes me want to see all of America, too. My quarantine is going well! I love and miss you all!

I feel fine, don't worry

2008-02-28T05:43:00.000-08:00

I just got quarantined until March 10th. That's a week and a half of no school. Wow. AND THEN, I only teach for a week before going to London for another week, and then enjoying Spring Break when I get back. On the flip side, I'll be teaching at and hosting Summer Camps for two months. Hope all is well!

Getting lost in Kiev...I swear it wasn't my fault

2008-02-15T23:45:00.001-08:00

So, I visited the dentist today as part of my mid-service medical exams. The hardest part was finding the place, which was across town and involved two (metro and bus) and eventually three (a taxi) forms of transportation. The driver told me that he would announce my stop on the bus when we got there since I had no idea where I was going, but after a while, I asked him if the stop we were at was it, and he said he announced my stop three stops back, meaning that he either didn't announce it at all or did announce it but like the waiter at the Chinese restaurant on Seinfeld, saying "Cartwright" instead of Seinfeld. Anyway, the cleaning was not that big a deal, actually...just a mini-sand-blaster in my mouth (not kidding) that left me bleeding but feeling cleaner than ever...also, they operate by a less-reliable but better for me "does this hurt? No? Ok, no cavities!" method, which was fine by me since I A) have great oral hygiene and don't have cavities and B) never want to go back there again, like I could ever find it.

Also, I've been watching the movie "Shaun of the Dead" a lot lately (and by "a lot" I mean "about a dozen times in the last two weeks") and every time I watch it, I like it more and more. It makes me laugh, cry (it's really dusty in my apartment!) and get scared every time. Any movie that can invoke that many emotions consistently, even one about zombies, is worth renting. Also, it's just really well made. If you haven't seen it, rent it. If you've seen it before, you know what I'm talking about here, so take it off the shelf, dust it off and put it in the DVD player. You'll be glad you did.

I still get carded too

2008-01-31T02:43:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was waiting outside the Internet cafe a block away from my school, hoping it would open only 15 minutes late today instead of the usual 30, when I had an interesting experience. An old woman walked slowly by and stopped, looked up at me, then continued. After a few more steps, she stopped again, turned to me and angrily started shouting. The following conversation ensued:

Old Woman: Y vas yest yroke? (Do you have a lesson?)

Me: Shto? Izvinetye? (What? I'm sorry?)

OW: *looks at watch* Devit-pitnatsit chesso. (It's 9:15)

Me: Da, ya znayoo. Ya hochy internet. (Yes, I know. I want to use the Internet)

OW: Eta ochen ploha! Esli est yroke, tebya shoit bil tam, ha scholy! Idti! (This is very bad. If you have a lesson, you should be there, in school! GO!)

Me: No Ya Ychitel! (But I'm a teacher!)

OW: *looks me up and down* Seriousna? (seriously?)

Me: Da! Ya prepadayu angleski yazik na scholu nomer choteri, tam. Ya tolka est treti yroke subodna! (Yes! I teach the English language in school number four, there. I only have the third lesson today!).

OW: *looks me up and down again* Ya tak ne dumayoo. (I don't think so)

I turn 25 years old on Monday; I guess I should take this--my apparent ability to pass as a 16 year old slacker--as a compliment. I guess.

Go Sox!

2008-01-27T23:27:00.000-08:00

I'm switching my baseball allegiance from the Atlanta Braves to the Boston Red Sox. I know how this looks and believe me, I didn't arrive at it lightly. My reasons for making the switch are as follows:

1) Justin Pedroia is from Oregon, led the OSU Beavers to the college world series title as a senior, and is a once-in-a-generation star from my home state--and we don't have that many. I want to follow him and in order to do that, I really should be following his team.

2) The Braves have made a series of really not great moves that I just can't defend--like letting one of the five best defensive center fielders of all time (Andruw Jones) go because of his batting average which, while low, still doesn't take into account his 90+ RBI's every year, and not re-signing Edgar Rentaria for no good reason. Plus, not signing up with TBS again really annoys me since the biggest reason I cheered for them as a kid was they were on TV all the time. I can't take it anymore. BTW, this all started when they let Leo Mazzone go a few years back, a great move since he's the best assistant coach of all time.

3) Jess is from New England and loves the Sox. Her whole awesome family does too, and they've shown me, along with Bill Simmons (whose book I've read about 8 times now) how much fun it is to be a Red Sox fan, even with all the baggage that comes with it. I think I'll enjoy baseball more if I'm a Sox fan.

4) The Braves hate the Yankees. The Sox hate the Yankees. At least I'm being ideologically consistent.

5) Since I never really had a good reason for liking the Braves in the first place (Oregon doesn't have a baseball team and all), this doesn't feel like that big of a betrayal, if one at all. Granted, the Braves haven't made the playoffs in two seasons and the Sox just won the World Series for the 2nd time in the last 4 years, so I still feel a little weird about this and that discomfort probably won't go away until the Sox miss the playoffs for a few seasons and I'm still rooting for them. However, I feel like this is the right move for me.

I worry that some Sox fans won't be willing to accept me into the fold, but I hope I can win them over. LET'S GO SOX!!!

Go Blazers!

2008-01-23T23:28:00.000-08:00

The Portland Trailblazers are 25-17 right now, first in the division--and half way through the season. The number 8 seed last year made the playoffs with a 42-40 record, so to match that, the blazers only need to win 17 of their next 40 games--well below .500 and a seemingly easy goal, especially considering that lots of those games (at least 11 by my count) and against teams that are just terrible, like Seattle, Minnesota and New York, and 20 of them are at home, where we've been GREAT this year. So, all we need to do is win 6 games against teams that are as good or better than we are, and we should be able to do that considering how well the team's been playing lately. Our schedule in April is BRUTAL, but I still think we'll make it in as the 7th or 8th seed, and I can't overstate how excited I am about this development. This season was supposed to be a rebuilding year for the Blazers without Greg Oden to fill the void left by Zach Randolph, the team's leading scorer and rebounder last year (seriously, name another team that could lose their best player and IMPROVE from one year to the next, I dare you), but instead they've been playing great, and with Oden back next year in the paint against talented big men (the reason we keep losing to teams like Boston and Toronto), we'll be even better--and I'll be able to watch games! RIP CITY!

Books!

2007-12-12T23:42:00.000-08:00

I've read 35 books since I've come to Ukraine, not counting the National Geographic Movie Version of Guns, Germs and Steel and the audio version of Obama's The Audacity of Hope , and I thought I would summarize at least my most recent reads. The last five books I've read are:

--Lenin's Tomb by David Remnick. This book is AMAZING and I highly recommend it to anyone who wants a thorough account of the last few years of the Soviet Union.

--Brainiac by Ken Jennings. Ken Jen was my desktop background during the Summer that he was on Jeopardy, so it's no surprise that I would love his book on trivia--a very easy and interesting read.

--Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris. A hilarious book, and a great read for anyone who's struggled with a foreign language while living abroad, though it's less of a novel as it is a loosely connected series of short stories. Still, really funny.

--Theodore Rex by some great author I can't remember. This book got me hooked on Presidential Biographies--it was really, really good. It's also the 2nd in a 3-part series on Teddy--the first, The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt , won the Pulitzer Prize, and I'm going to try and get a copy of it when it comes out. Also, if any of you have a copy of The Reagan Diaries, send it my way, I want to read it.

--The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan. Mock me if you want. Go ahead. I still liked it.

Now I'm reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by the author of Kite Runner and so far it's amazingly depressing but very well written. I should finish it in the next week, and then I'm going to start in on the thousand-page epic, Roots, that my folks sent me. I feel like I should read that one if only becuase I love Lavar Burton and "Reading Rainbow" was my favorite show growing up. Butterfly in the skyyyyyy!

Ben Franklin in kind of a sleazebag

2007-12-07T01:59:00.000-08:00

Television Shows! So, one of the best parts about the Peace Corps Ukraine community is that we're really good share..ers. Whenever 2 or more PCV's get together, we bring books and DVD's to loan/trade. Shows or movies that I hadn't ever had the time to check out back home are now great, if only because they're NEW. I have a pretty extensive movie collection by PCV standards (thanks to my wonderful parents who continually send me packages!!!), but even then, I've still seen every movie and television episode I have roughly 4,569 times. Also, the upside of my friends in Group 29 ending their service is that I get to take all their stuff they can't afford to take home with them...I felt like a pirate, but a pirate rich in new books/DVD's.

This has obviously forced me to diversify my viewing habits and I've gotten to watch shows that would be good even if they're the first non-Sorkin show I've seen in the last two months. Among them are House (AMAZING, even though I've only seen/been able to get ahold of 4 episodes! I should have listened to the dozen people I know who had tried to sell me on this show before I left), Entourage (hilarious, Jeremy Piven rocks!) and Weeds (Mary-Louise Parker can sell me anything). I've also watched a few seasons of South Park and Simpson's which are a few years old but were new to me....like the third season of the office, which my awesome parents just sent me!

Trains!

2007-12-04T22:20:00.001-08:00

I've been doing lots of train travelling lately, almost all by "platscart," or the "half the price of a regular ticket" method. The only difference between a platscart trip and a regular "coopee" trip is that in platscart, everything is open--there are just lines of little compartments with beds and no doors. This is normally ok, but I've been doing so much of it lately that I thought I would characterize the different types of people I am usually with in my compartment.

1) The tired babushka. I love tired old people because they usually go to sleep almost immediately and are quite for the rest of the night. This lets me go to sleep and wake up 8 hours later wherever I'm going, which is what I really want. They're the best!

2) The loud drunk guy(s). I don't understand why anyone would drink heavily on a train given that the bathrooms are usually pretty bad and the constant rocking back and forth sometimes makes even sober people sick. These folks keep everyone in the car awake with singing, jumping and rough-housing.

3) The entire family. They might be on their way to a wedding someplace and have purchased four seats together. These folks spend hours eating, talking, laughing and doing each others' hair/makeup for the morning festivities. They don't bother me so much unless they have...

4) The little screaming kid! Remember on Delta Airlines flights when there would be a little screaming toddler, per FAA regulations, right behind you on every 6 hour flight you took? Well it's like that, only for 12 hours and when you're trying to sleep.

5) The politician. I have a strict "radio silence" policy on trains, meaning that I don't speak unless I have to because the second I do, everyone will know I'm a foreigner and someone in the vicinity will try to talk to me for the next 6 hours about every political event that ever happened in the history of the former Soviet Union. Normally discussions like this are great, but not when I'm trying to sleep.

As you can see, there's only a 1 in 5 chance that I'll get a good night sleep. Whenever I ask someone how their recent night-train trip went, and they reply "uneventful," they really mean "perfect." I'll be criss-crossing the country a few times over Winter Break, so let's hope that I get lots of sleepy old people! Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!

Updates!

2007-11-21T23:26:00.000-08:00

So it turns out that the wind/snow/rain storm that knocked in my windows pretty much hit everything on the Black Sea and has been described as a cyclone by some weather service folks. It even overturned and sunk some oil tankers in the Black Sea, eeek! I guess only having my sugar container knocked onto the floor of my kitchen isn't much to complain about compared to spilled oil or the giant trees I saw knocked over in my recent visit to Crimea!

Also, I checked the election results for the ballot my students and I filled out, and it turns out that Ukrainian teenagers vote exactly like the majority of people in my Congressional District back home do--FOR re-structuring zoning laws, AGAINST tobacco taxes to fund child health care and FOR more police and fire fighters in Forest Grove, Oregon. When I told them they were "correct" in their votes and that their side "won," they were all really excited!

Today's Thanksgiving but I'll be teaching. Peace Corps was really great about it and gave all PCV's the day off, but I want to talk about Thanksgiving with my students instead of missing work since most of them have never heard of the holiday. I'll just call my parents and family in the evening my time/in the morning in Oregon, so everything will be fine. Actually, I probably couldn't afford to miss tomorrow anyway because of the recent schedule changes--when I got to school yesterday, I found out (like everyone else, apparently) that the 9th, 10th and 11th
form students would be missing every period after the 2nd (so basically the whole day) so they can "plant trees in the woods." In addition to it being just bad forest policy to plant trees in late November, I'm probably going to have to make up those lessons tomorrow, when I normally would be sleeping in. I'd like to say that last-second schedule changes like this were new, but, well...they're pretty much the norm around here. At this point I'm mostly just entertained by it all. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

It was a hell of a way to wake up!

2007-11-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

Ochakiv got hit with the first snowstorm of the year last weekend...in early November...so something tells me that this winter will be a lot worse/a lot more normal for Ukraine than last year. A bigger problem in Ochakiv than the snow is the wind. Since we're right on the water, the wind gets pretty intense. So much so, in fact, that I was woken up on Sunday morning by my kitchen windows blowing open and knocking all my stuff off the window sill. I spent the next hour standing in a puddle of snow/melting water with the wind/more snow blowing in my face as I tried to close the window and called everyone I could think of in town for help.

The problem, though, was that the power (and water, for that matter) was out, so people's house-phones weren't working and getting in touch with someone was tough. Eventually I ran across the hall and woke my neighbor Vasilli up (did I mention that all of this was happening at 7:30 on a Sunday morning?) and he can over and fixed it in about two minutes...apparently the windows aren't that difficult to close if you know the elaborate sequence in which to do so (there are 5 windows in all), and since I had only ever opened one, I had no way of knowing that. Now, the power is back on and I'm fine, except for having to walk around the half-dozen trees that blew down in the storm and the lake-sized puddles of melted snow/ice that are, well, everywhere.

Also, congrats to Josh for winning the Mahaffey, AGAIN! Miss you, buddy.

It was -5 this morning.

2007-11-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

It's getting colder over here...I put on my new winter hat (the other one is often used for classroom games) this morning and it helped a lot. The cluster Jessica and I "adopted," Kozelets, and their link site, Oster, were both really awesome. Sometimes training clusters have weird dynamics...some people don't get along, the LCF/TCF is really intense, etc. However, everyone in both sites was totally great and I really hope that at least one of them gets placed in my Oblast. With all my Group 29 friends finishing their service, my Oblast is getting kind of lonely. :-( So, the visit to Boguslav, our old training site, went really well too. My old host family was really glad to see me and I missed them a lot. Plus, the town looks like it's grown a lot in the last year, and not just because of the huge 10 story apartment building across from my apartment that wasn't there when I left! Other than that, things are just coming along. In other news, the Ducks are 8-1, woohoo, go Oregon! I think I'll give extra credit to the student who writes the best "Go Ducks" fight song. Miss you all, hugs!

It smells like DEMOCRACY in here

2007-10-24T21:26:00.000-07:00

Teaching tools rock! I got my absentee ballot in the mail today and I plan on using it in class. My advanced students and I will discuss the pros and cons of taxing cigarettes so kids can have health care in my home state, as well as the complexities of zoning and land-use measures and whether or not Forest Grove should have three new police officers at the expense of a property tax. Then, my students will vote, and I will honor their collective choices, fill out my ballot, and mail it back. Three cheers for democracy in action!

Also, I'm kind of sick. I spend all weekend in my apartment--literally I left once, for about and hour, during the entire two days. I drank 7-Up (which Jessica thought was silly and had never heard of before...am I wrong in thinking that you're supposed to drink 7-up when you're sick?!?) and took lots of medication, so hopefully I'll get better soon. Also, the Sox made the world series and won game one, so take that Yankee fans.

Jess and I are going to go adopt a training cluster of new PCV's (believe it or not, we're the experience folks in country now), visit our old host families and head to a Halloween party before going back to my site--in should, good times over Fall Break! Hope all is well with you all

Not missing much!

2007-10-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Though I'm pulling for the Sox, it's looking more and more like an Indians-Rockies World Series, which is perfect because, as my friend Mike put it, this is the best possible year to be away from sports. Between the Cavs/Spurs NBA Finals, the Bears/Colts Superbowl, the Creighton/Pt. Loma NPDA Finals, and now THIS likely World Series?! I'm really glad I was here to avoid all of that. Now all I need is #7 Oregon to have a terrible 2nd half of the year and miss the BCS and I'll have dodged any memorable event.

Petting Zoo

2007-10-12T21:58:00.001-07:00

When I walk the mile and a half to and from school every, I pass what amounts to a decent-sized petting zoo that includes cows, chickens, roosters, ducks, male and female goats, cats, and lots of stray dogs. Most of these animals are in front yards and are content to keep to themselves, as am I. You can just call me Doctor Doolittle, because I find myself saying good morning to them every day. Hope all is well!

Day of teachers...don't worry, I didn't get you anything either.

2007-10-05T03:52:00.000-07:00

I got more flowers and candy today...you know, because I'm a teacher. Fun times! At my school, the 11th grade students teach classes in place of the teachers, although I wanted to teach my own since they have an exam coming up--this was a fun holiday! :-)

Laundry!

2007-09-26T23:26:00.000-07:00

I recently made the best investment ever...for 30 Griven a month, a really nice woman in the apartment complex across from mine will be doing my laundry. As I discovered yesterday when I got my first load back, "doing my laundry" also includes ironing and mending--the woman sewed up the holes in my socks--so for the equivalent of six dollars a month, I will never have to wash clothes again in Ukraine. Meanwhile, lots of other PCV's have to hand-wash their clothes. Jessica, for example, is pretty much always in some stage of a load of laundry because she has to hand wash and dry them--she spends HOURS a week doing this, and if you've ever wrung-out a pair of soaked jeans, you know it's not easy work. Not that I would, or ever will, know what that's like, but still, I imagine it's awful! Anyway, I dodged all of that and I'm happy as a clam! Hope all is well with you all!

Bowie 2.0

2007-09-18T00:03:00.000-07:00

The Portland Trailblazer's #1 draft pick Greg Oden is out for the year with microfracture knee surgery. This is one of the more depressing things I can recall happening to a franchise. Good God. What's next, people calling in bomb threats to the Rose Garden during overtime of a Laker's game? Brandon Roy announcing that he's quitting basketball to pursue a career as an astronaut? Other than that, things are great on my end. Classes have started and I'm really happy, as always. Hope all is well with everyone!

Spare some change? PART TWO!

2007-09-04T23:43:00.000-07:00

So, I've been saving my change for a while now--just throwing it into an old tea container every day when I get home. A few days ago I counted it all up and I had over 100 Griven in change! Back home I would just taken it to a bank and they would have given me bills, but given the lack of change that most stores over here tend to suffer from, I thought there might be a better solution. So, yesterday I took my change to the nice ladies who work at the store across the street, and they were really excited--it was like I was doing them a favor, and they were so happy that they gave me bills without even counting the change I gave them. I guess I have a trustworthy face. Anyway, I'm supposed to come back today to pick up my tea container. I'm hoping this will eliminate the need for them to give customers candy instead of change for a while! Classes started back up again and things are really great, except for the fact that I've decided to stop drinking Coke/Pepsi...cold turkey...and my head is pounding. Hope all is well with you all! :-)

Back to school!

2007-09-02T23:49:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the lack of entries! I've been doing camp after camp this summer and they've taken me all over Ukraine--literally to the four corners of the country--and I haven't had the time, but now that school's starting up and I'll thankfully be getting back into my regular routine, I promise to blog more. The highlights from my most recent travels include more stories than I can count, among them being a trip to a Ukrainian bath house where two strong men beat me with reeds because I asked them to, me busting multiple moves at multiple discos, and teaching lots of kids how to do the funky chicken. Life is, as always, amazing. Best to you all!

Back to school!

2007-09-02T23:49:00.000-07:00

Camps by the barrel!

2007-07-19T06:50:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a while--camps have pretty much been occupying all of my time. Here's what I've been up to:

--Camp Big Bang! My "gender and race issues" class that I taught with my friend Lindsay was a hit--so much so in fact that when campers were surveyed about their favorite class at camp, it was ranked #1, ahead of free time (where they played kickball and soccer) and arts and crafts (where they made dream catchers). I felt loved. Other camp highlights include getting to know awesome PCV's from all over Ukraine (and writing them happy notes to put in their "happy bags" on the wall, a great feature of this camp that is basically the most "me" thing ever), cross dressing as a woman for a competition (I looked hot), kicking out 25 year old locals from our nightly disco, and meeting a member of the Rada (basically a Ukrainian Senator). I also watched some episodes of the third season of "The Office," which was amazing, and the entire last season of "Grey's Anatomy," which was terrible. Despite being one of the more exhausting two and a half weeks ever (we worked from 7 am to 10:30 pm every day) I'm totally going back next year!

--Visiting friends in Kyiv! I went straight from Big Bang to Kyiv to have a mini-break/brainstorm lessons/camps with folks from my cluster, including Jess, Emily, Hillary, Shelby, Ashley and Nick. It was great, and I've decided that if I could live in any city in the world other than Portland, it would be Kyiv.

--Camp Tobe (Teaching Our Boys to Excel)! This camp is still going on--we're climbing Mount Hoverla (the highest mountain in Ukraine) tomorrow--and it's the camp I'm doing because I'm part of the Gender and Development working group. So far, we've gone on a hike, had lessons on decision making and gender roles (which I co-taught), played football, swam in a river, and had the campers buy condoms, diapers, tampons and other things that shouldn't freak them out but for some reason do. Also, I spent about a day, including a horrific 19 hour train ride from Odessa to Kolomia, getting here--something that I get to repeat in the next 48 hours and which I plan to chronicle for posterity/entertainment in an upcoming blog post and/or newspaper article, and saw the giant pasanki museum which featured a giant egg out front--pictures to follow. Oh, and I missed the giant cloud of phosphorus that hurt lots of people in the oblast next to this one--I'm fine, but lots of people are in trouble, so keep them in your thoughts and prayers please.

These camps have been great, but I'm just tired and can't wait to go home to my site. However, only a day after I get back from TOBE, I'm headed up to Kyiv again and then Konotop to meet Jess' dad, step-mom and little brother, and I'm really excited about it, though I'm basically living on night trains at this point. I love and miss you all!

Hello campers

2007-06-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

Schooooooool's out for Summmmmmmah! However, that doesn't mean I really get a break anytime soon because starting this week, my month-long Summer camp dance party begins and I'm super excited about if....if I don't update this blog for a while, it's because I'm singing camp songs (LET ME SEE YOUR FUNKY CHICKEN!) and teaching Ukrainian kids the Macarena. I'll be doing my best "Ug" impression from "Salute Your Shorts" so basically life is great! Hugs and love to everyone!

Rip City!

2007-06-07T22:40:00.000-07:00

The Portland Trailblazers landed the top pick in the 2007 NBA Draft--a draft featuring the deepest class of incredibly talented players in 30 years, including the explosive Kevin Durrant from Texas and the closest thing to a can't-miss franchise player you can get, Greg Oden from Ohio State. This happened only weeks after Blazer guard Brandon Roy won the rookie of the year trophy and his teammate LaMarcus Aldridge was selected for the all-rookie 1st team. Add to that the fact that the Blazers already have Zach Randolph, Darius Miles and Sergio Rodriguez and either Durrant or Oden will be joining a young and incredibly talented team next year. After giving them a year to learn how to play well together and for the rookies to adjust to the NBA, and the team should just be rounding into playoff form in the fall of 2008, or exactly when I'll be back in Oregon and able to watch this team dominate games at the Rose Garden in person. It's a great time to be a Blazer fan, and given the struggles the fan base has endured in recent years, I think we deserve it. Only more more thing is worth mentioning (other than the fact that I've pre-ordered my 2009 NBA Champion replica ring from ESPN)--there were three or four teams actively tanking games towards the end of the season in the hopes of landing the top pick in the draft. Meanwhile, the Blazers, while not amazingly great or even that close to the playoffs in the stacked Western Conference, were playing hard every night and getting better every week. I'll I'm saying is--there's karma in basketball. Two and a half decades ago the Blazers passed on Michael Jordan...we won't make the same mistake twice!

Swish!

2007-05-30T01:42:00.000-07:00

I've made friends with two Ukrainian men named Dima and Sasha who live in my town. They're really awesome folks who are trying to learn English. Since I'm trying to learn Russian, it works out nicely. We've gone to the beach after work a few times and yesterday they took me to a basketball court and we played for a few hours. I think a few things about the basketball court situation in my town need to be said--well, mostly just one thing--the courts are terrible! The rims are slightly to severely bent, there's trash and graffiti on everything, and there are giant crater-sized potholes all over the court, so driving the lane isn't really possible. Consequently, given those conditions and the 3-point line that's only six inches back from the top of the key, shooting is basically the only thing that matters (since driving means falling in a hole, literally). Since shooting is really the only thing I do well, Sasha and Dima have a very inflated opinion of my basketball skills after I beat them both at the same time 25-9. Oh, and we're teaching each other how to trash talk on the court in our respective languages, which is always fun. I love my job!

After a while you just stop counting the Speedos

2007-05-13T23:47:00.000-07:00

Me: I think I accidentally cheated on you.

Jess: Umm...ok...accidentally?

Me: Yea. I saw some boobs that weren't yours. Lots of 'em.

*silence*

Jess: You went to the beach, didn't you?

Me: I wanted to go someplace and read. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

Jess: Hahahahaaaaa! Look, it's not your fault people go topless over here.

Me: I know, but I still feel guilty for some reason.

Bring your own toilet paper...or else.

2007-05-09T23:09:00.000-07:00

When I get bored over here (which isn't often, believe me), I ask myself broad philosophical questions, like "is there such a thing as a FULL marshutka (mini-buses that people--often entire towns--ride around town)? Will I ever find a way to get rid of the tiny ants that have invaded my apartment? And finally, is there such a thing as a clean public toilet in Ukraine?" The answer to all of these questions appears to be an unfortunate NO. I've solved the marshutka over-crowding by walking pretty much everywhere and I'm going to buy some anti-ant spray soon which will hopefully help me commit ant-mass-murder, but the public toilet question is a bigger issue. Finding a place to...go...outside of my apartment is easier for me than for women because the "pay" toilets in city-centers and train stations often amount to a hole in the ground. My solution has been to find the nearest McDonalds because they really are toilet oasis'.

School is almost done over here and it's starting to get hot. I wore shorts the other day when my friend Michael visited and we played catch on the beach (yay for baseball!), and the Victory Day celebration in the center of town was really fun. I love and miss you all!

Spare some change. No, I insist.

2007-05-06T23:23:00.000-07:00

One of the most entertaining and quirky things about Ukraine is how change is given whenever something is payed for. It's been my experience that the Ukrainian service industry really hates to give change and honestly would prefer it if everything was rounded to the nearest Griven (UA currency). Back home, the store was responsible for providing exact change and no one really seemed to care about this fact. Here, though, the change-giving burden is often switched--like, if something costs $1.05 and the lowest bill I have is a $2, I would be expected to pay $2.05 so they can just give me a Griven bill back. If something costs $1.05 I the lowest change I have is $1.10, or if I don't happen to have any change in the first example, the person working will do one of the following:

1) glare at me and possibly make some snide comment under their breath while going through the tiresome process of counting to 95.

2) give me something small, like a little candy that costs 5 Kopecs (cents), to avoid having to wade into the murky change drawer.

The candy example happens to me a few times a week and the first time it happened I was really, really entertained by it. When I was buying some floss last weekend at an Apteka (pharmacy), the woman working there gave me a vitamin instead of my 10 Kopec change. Awesome. :-)

On a Russian Train

2007-05-02T04:09:00.000-07:00

I didn’t have classes for the last few days so I decided to head back up north to visit Jessica again. Below are some highlights:

1) Discussing bike-pooling. It’s like car-pooling…but on a bike. Back home, it wasn’t really rare to see more than one person riding the same bicycle, but the riders were almost exclusively teenagers, standing on the kickstand things on the back, and there was never more than one person-per-bike. In Ukraine, it’s common to see entire families—three, even four people of all ages—riding on the same bike. We wondered how 80 year old babushkas (grandmas) manage to get on the handle bars while carrying what appears to be a Sunday dinner for 12 in their arms without the whole thing toppling over. It really is quite something to watch, and every time I see a family going out for a ride, I hum Queen’s “Bicycle” to myself.

2) Taking out the trash. You wouldn’t think this would qualify as an event, but in her town it really is. See, for the first few months after she moved in, Jess often wondered where her neighbors took her trash when they collected it twice a week since she was unable to find the dumpsters that were used by her and the adjacent apartment buildings herself despite several searches. Finally, she realized the truth—there were no dumpsters. Three times a week, a garbage truck carrying a dumpster arrives in the courtyard and people line up with their trash. It’s quite the social occasion, and I got to witness it first-hand. Fun times.

3) Riding in first class for the first time. I think that my Russian skills are progressing nicely (although I’m still planning on getting a tutor next year) and I rarely have trouble understanding people or getting across what I mean, with one exception—whenever I talk to the mean ladies who work at ticket offices, or “kassas” in Russian. It seems that every angry, annoyed lady in the country all decided that selling tickets to foreigners would be a good way to take out their frustration, because I have yet to attempt to buy a ticket on my own without getting yelled at and pushed to, and often over, the brink of tears by these people.

Whenever I know I’ll need to buy a ticket, I prepare what I’m going to need to say ahead of time and often practice in front of other people first, just to make sure I’ve got it down. However, one look from their very intimidating faces and I often freeze up like Peter Billingsly in “A Christmas Story” when he tries to tell Santa that he wants a bb gun and ends up with a football and a boot in the face. Even when I do get my monologue out without messing it up, I’m often met with a gruff “niet” (no), without any explanation, or worse, with a very fast and angry explanation. Believe me, I have lots of stories about these folks straight up lying to my face about the availability of tickets for specific trains/buses and about them charging me more just to be ornery. This weekend in particular, ticket-buying was terrible because there weren’t any “electricas” or “fast trains” from Jess’ site to Kyiv, where I had a ticket booked to go back home tonight, because of the holiday. After several unsuccessful attempts, Jess and I found the youngest woman working at the station (young=nice) and she sold me the last ticket to Kyiv she had—a first class seat for 47 griven (usually it costs 8) on a train that was passing through her town at 5:50 from Moscow, on the way to Kyiv. That meant that Jess couldn't’t spend the day with me in Kyiv like we had planned and that I had to spend about six times as much as I usually do.

4) It snowing. ON MAY 2ND! Remember when they turned off the heat in mid-April and Jess and I thought it was a bad idea? Just saying...

As always, my visit with Jess was fun, productive, exciting and really happy and I can’t wait until we can see each other again. Above is a picture of us taken during her visit to Ochakiv a few weeks back. See that, right there? That's what happiness looks like. :-)

Burrrr, it's cold in here! There must be some PCV's in the atmosphere!

2007-04-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

My landlady's husband, a really kind man named Anatoli, came by a few days ago to check the gas and electric meters...and turn off my heat. Apparently in Ukraine people are only allowed to use the heat in their apartments until mid-April. Entire towns often turn off the heat to save, I don't know, money, presumably--this happened to Jessica and she's freezing her butt off as I type this. I thought I had found a loophole in this system because my apartment has a gas heater that's not connected to the rest of the building. I turned it on when I moved in and haven't turned it off since. So, when Anatoli came by, we had the following conversation:

A: He nada gaza, ya budu sakrite. (You don't need gas, I will close it) *turns off heater and wraps a bag around the exhaust pipe on my balcony*

Me: Chas, adna minuta. Esle Ya holadna, moshna Ya otkrit gaza? (Wait, one minute. If I'm cold, may I open the gas?)

A: Eta Besna, ochen teplo! (It's Spring, very warm!)

Me: Da, no...ya malinki, y inagda ya holadna. Pajalusta?! (Yes, but...I'm little, and sometimes I'm cold. Please?!)

A: *laughs kindly* Izvinite, neit. Nichivo, Tomac. Smotrete--seychas, 20! (Sorry, no. It's nothing, Thomas. Look--now, it's 70 degrees!)

Me: Ladna...spaseeba. (Ok...thanks.)

It's really not that bad, to be honest--my site is really warm and it's actually getting more and more hot every day. I even rolled up the sleeves of my dress shirt while I was teaching for the first time yesterday. :-)

Adapters

2007-04-25T22:28:00.001-07:00

Adapters were something I expected to need when I came to Ukraine. After all, it was unreasonable for me to expect that two (or even three) pronged, rectangular American electrical appliance plugs would fit into two pronged, circular outlets. When I got here, I purchased several cheap adapters for about three Griven (so, 60 cents American) and all was right with the world. However, what I didn't expect and what continues to frustrate me is that sometimes even Ukrainian appliances/plugs don't fit into Ukrainian outlets. They're both circular, but usually the appliance plug is too big. This has happened to me on three separate occasions, the first of which involving my iron, which left me looking like I had spent a 14 hour train ride sleeping in my shirt, pant and tie combo that I ended up teaching in all day. I mean, it's no biggie, especially given how cheap adapters are here, but sheesh!

BARS!

2007-04-22T04:22:00.000-07:00

Since my dog bite incident, I've become more aware of the street dogs in my town. That, naturally, makes for a more exciting morning run. Today, though, something really fun happened while I was jogging that I wanted to share. See, since I've been here, I haven't seen anyone else run on the street. Ever. Ukrainians, at least at my site, don't jog. Not that they need to--most people I've seen here, about 95% or so, are in really good shape. It's remarkable, really, considering that I come from a country where about half the population is overweight to an unhealthy degree. Anyway, the result is that when people see me running here, I often get starred at. People seem genuinely entertained by me running. This morning, though, a group of 4 little kids, probably between 6-8 years old, followed me for a couple of blocks like I was Rocky, training for a rematch with Apollo Creed. It was really great!

Something else I wanted to mention--random graffiti. See, every day I notice something new sprayed on the sides of buildings and on brick walls, and much of it is in English. My girlfriend Jessica, for example, has several "BARS!" tags near her apartment building at her site, and remembers seeing several "Freddy Krueger" sprayings at our training site a few months ago. My favorite at my site is "Chocolate CHICKEN," on the way to my school. Rock on!