Dollar Menu

It was late March and in Salem, that meant that the cherry blossoms were blooming on the north side of the capitol. As J and B walked towards McDonald's in silence, however, they were both thinking about very different things that had nothing to do with the pink petals they were treading on.

J: My ass itches.
B: Something's bothering him...on a day like today, I can't see anything to get upset about. It's always something.
J: Stupid monthly herpes outbreak. I really should tell her before she finds out the hard way.
B: Why can't he just smile at me and tell me he loves me? Just once would be nice. I'm not asking him to turn into one of those prissy Beta's who are totally whipped or something, but Christ, I've been giving him head for damn near a month now and I'm not even sure we're exclusive.
J: Meh. That conversation would be hella awkward...like, "hey, B, I gave you the clap! Thanks for the hummers!" Or is chlamydia the clap? I forget....It's almost 11:00, I hope we make it there before they stop serving those kick ass sausage mcmuffins.
B: I wake up wearing some stupid theme party t-shirt in his damp fucking dorm room, he tells me he's taking me out to breakfast, and we start walking towards McDonalds? I mean what the shit?! AND WHY DOES MY THROAT KEEP TICKLING?!

*J and B turn to each other*

B: J, this isn't working.

J: I know, I'm sorry. They're already changing over to the lunch menu, I can see it from here.