Cliff Gardner

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Baby Got Back

Those of you who know me will attest to my desire to have a big family one day. It's an on going debate between Mandy and I. See, she wants to have two or MAYBE three kids, and only if the first two are boys, while I want to have enough to enter the entire family in a local co-ed slow-pitch softball league. However, given that my biggest contribution to the birthing process will be something that I do for fun (loving, hot fun!) anyway, I think my perspective on the issue is a little biased, so we'll probably end up closer to her end of the baby spectrum than mine. Especially after today.

This afternoon I went to the local Health and Human Services Department to take care of some food stamp issues, and the place was packed with screaming kids and their inept parents. One particular boy sounded like he was being stepped on by a giraffe, and I'm pretty sure the young girl behind me was responsible for shattering my glasses, that is until her mother started breastfeeding her in the most blunt and overt way possible. When a little girl around four or so threw her sippy cup at me after minutes of careful aiming, I was considering a vasectomy. By the time I had driven most of the way home, I had cooled down a bit, but I still stopped by a 7-11 and bought a lot more condoms.


  • not all kids are terrors like that though. some are very sweet-natured and calm. some hardly even cry too! I think a lot of it depends on the parenting, but that gets into the whole nature/nurture debate which is very complex and doesn't really have a resolution.

    By Anonymous Briana, at 9:47 AM  

  • RYC: no, I'm not going out of the country until February, late February...pratically march. But when I do go out of the country is for PILGRIMAGE to ISRAEL!!! Woot! I'm so excited! ok, I'm good now.

    By Anonymous Briana, at 9:49 AM  

  • I once heard that nature and nurture are like two boxers in the eighth round; they came out swinging, but at this point they are just sort of hugging.

    You could always foster/adopt. Moses and I are big on the foster parenting, and KBT is getting on the bandwagon herself, after I explained that it would preclude her fro pushing a bony pink football out of her vagina.

    By Anonymous dave, at 11:13 AM  

  • HAHAHAHAHHA! Tha's really funny. But those kids aren't raised right. Not many are anymore...

    But you're probably right about the whole her winning the argument in the end, unless she forgets to take a certain pill :) Or maybe she'll love kids so much she'll change her mind. You never know.

    By Anonymous Kim, at 1:41 PM  

  • Bwahahaha! I love it! But you've got to know that you and Mandy would have great kids...great people generally have great kids. :-)

    By Blogger Christine, at 7:07 PM  

  • Condoms? Dude.

    By Blogger Ian Samuel, at 8:11 PM  

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