Cliff Gardner

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Your Cliff Gardner Horoscope!

Aries: You know that scene in Back to the Future when Marty out-smarts Biff Tannon and fills Biff’s car with manure? Well you will appreciate it a lot more after the drive home tonight.

Taurus: Just give Sean Connery a little space and he’ll come around to your way of thinking.

Gemini: Don’t worry; there have to be some women out there who are really in to guys who can quote Battlestar Gallactica episodes.

Cancer: People aren’t impressed by all of those merit badges anymore and frankly they never were, so stop wearing your Cub Scout uniform to work/clubs/swimming pools.

Leo: I re-gifted that ceramic kangaroo statue you gave me and I don't feel the least bit bad about it.

Virgo: Global Warming doesn’t mean you can disregard the no shirt, no service rule at Sizzler.

Libra: Despite Mariah Carey being very appropriate for the occasion, I really didn't need to know that wearing your iPod while pooping adds a soundtrack to each dump you take.

Scorpio: Despite what you were told, those people following you around with cameras who threw your entire wardrobe in the trash are in no way affiliated with What Not to Wear.

Sagittarius: I will from this day forward refer to you only as “the plague rat.”

Capricorn: Demanding that your assisted living nurse rub you down with rock salt tri-hourly in perfectly reasonable.

Aquarius: Being shot in the stomach with a cannon ball isn’t as fun as circus freaks make it out to be so cancel your vacation before it is too late.

Pisces: Despite what you and your Emo friends think, Garden State and Elizabeth town aren’t the best movies ever.


  • Good, I'm glad that we agree here. I hate when people try to say I have unreasonable expectations. Sea salt is very healing.

    By Anonymous amy, at 4:15 PM  

  • I like these. I'm glad they've become a more regular feature. Two thumbs up.

    By Anonymous zayne, at 5:13 PM  

  • I wish I was Sagittarius. I would love for you to call me "the plague rat." Fitting, don't you think?

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 8:27 PM  

  • question: what to wanna be bloggers do when nothings happening in their life?
    awnser: post a questionaire type thing that calls for no work whatsoever

    bad form jack

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:21 PM  

  • Is Rob Layne a Cancer?

    By Blogger Matt, at 4:46 AM  

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