Cliff Gardner

Sunday, June 11, 2006

I don’t like dogs. There, I said it.

I will never own a dog. For years now I’ve been chased by them while running and at this point I’m a little gun-shy of pretty much all of them. I have no respect for a dangerous animal that can’t tell the difference between an attacker and an innocent passer-by. Also, I hate the way they smell…they shed and shit everywhere and are a huge pain in the ass because you have to worry about what they’re doing. Inevitably, even the really good one’s end up taking away time that could be spent on, well, anything but a dog. OH, and what’s more is that you always have to wash your hands after touching them. Forget that. They’re expensive, too. If Diane Lane made loving dogs a condition for a relationship with her, I would pass. Pass on Diane Lane. That's how much I don't like dogs.

It is probably worth mentioning that my family has a dog now and some of the best people I know have dogs. Clearly it works for them and I’m glad. I'll also admit that there are probably some really nice dogs out there that I could learn to live with. However, on the whole, dogs are just not for me, and I’m convinced that that doesn’t make me a bad person. I want leash laws strictly enforced with steep fines and the irresponsible owners of dogs that attack people should get lengthy prison terms. I don't care who let the dogs out, I just want them put back the hell in right now.


  • Again, blame the owners, not the dogs.

    Also - consider most of your complaints cross apply to children as well, but you can train a dog to poo in the right spot in a couple weeks. Kids take years.

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 10:26 AM  

  • I'm ok with blaming owners, fair enough. I would say though that after a child learns to not crap his/her pants, they also learn to talk and run and read/write and play sports, debate and sing, etc, whereas not shitting on the floor is pretty much the high water mark for most dog achievements. I see what you’re saying, but really, there are some pretty good reasons why I want to have kids and don’t want to have a dog.

    By Blogger T-Mac, at 10:33 AM  

  • Cross apply that, just replace every "dog" in your blog with the word "cat"...

    By Blogger truax, at 10:38 AM  

  • Wow, I pretty much concider people who don't like dogs right up there with people who don't like kids. You better be nice to Opie when you come to my house, he is the best dog ever.

    By Blogger The Assassin (burrr), at 11:28 AM  

  • Puppies can be cute, but they're a ton of work, which is why I don't plan on owning one. Also, I'm not opposed to all dogs, just the one's with stupid owners, so I'm sure Opie and I will get along!

    By Blogger T-Mac, at 1:32 PM  

  • Oh, and see my comment above about why dogs are different than kids.

    By Blogger T-Mac, at 1:38 PM  

  • don't try any funny stuff with opie, you're acting like you plan on being peaceful, but i'll be watching you. and i will BRING YOU DOWN. I WILL BRING YOU DOWN TO CHINA TOWN.

    By Blogger Ashley, at 7:27 PM  

  • I'm with you on the dog thing... two years before I moved out of my parent's place, they got a yellow lab puppy without consulting me... I didn't like that dog and she didn't like me (eating my shoes, pooing on my pillow etc..). The last year I lived with Mom the dog had puppies -- imagine 12 barking black or yellow crap machines and you get the picture. We gave away the most obnoxious ones first --

    One of the crap machines was too wussy to be given away (he cried so much he'd make people bring him BACK to us) -- also, this was the puppy that who couldn't wait to be born and made me total mom's car in the driveway... anyway, this barkng poop machine lived with me long enough to be 130 pounds of shoe eating wonder. He ate so many shoes I'm still amazed he didn't actually sprout tires on his feet from all the rubber in his diet.

    The only thing that makes me happy about the whole puppy ordeal is that several of them went into a program that trains service dogs... if they aren't sniffing bombs someplace or doing other law-enforcement stuff they are service dogs for people with disabilities... probably the only good thing Mom's dog ever did...

    Plus, I'm allergic to dogs -- and my cats would disown me if we got one.

    By Blogger Inside the Philosophy Factory, at 5:35 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home