Cliff Gardner

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Advice to strangers, volume one

To the guy in front of me at Blockbuster today, I have a few words of advice. First, “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter Spray” is not cologne and should not be used as such. Second, just because you’re wearing a Promise Keepers t-shirt doesn’t mean you get to SHOUT at the cashier over a late fee for—I shit you not—Captain Ron. I bet you were one of those kids in high school who prayed around the flagpole and then knocked up your girlfriend a month later. Remember, condoms are a sin! Third, not that I expect good decisions from a middle aged dude with a soul patch, but you might want to not scream at strangers in public IN FRONT OF YOUR KIDS. Send their blonde asses to space camp or something.


  • I think people with manners are in the minority in today's society.

    By Blogger truax, at 7:40 AM  

  • i can't stand those people... but what is even worse are the parents that use corporal punishment in public because NO ONE knows what to do when they see that!

    By Anonymous amy, at 7:43 AM  

  • i don't understand what is so funny about liking captain ron. talk about cinematic masterpiece

    By Blogger Ashley, at 9:15 AM  

  • wow... it's scary what America has become isn't it... In the famous words of the Black Eyed Peas "Where is the Love?"

    By Anonymous Kim, at 7:45 PM  

  • You make me laugh --- were you at Target with me the other day or something???

    I thought "wow, look at all the ugly asshats here" -- and then spent the rest of the shopping trip being depressed because they probably thought that of me too...

    By Blogger Inside the Philosophy Factory, at 3:28 AM  

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