Cliff Gardner

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Chef Boy R' D-Minus

Today I was taking a Totino’s Pizza out of the oven and badly burnt my left thumb. Well ok, it’s not that bad, but it’s still an owwie! Oddly enough, instead of the string of profanity one might expect from a Willamette grad, when it happened, I simply sighed and said “good grief.” Anyway, I’ve taken this as even more evidence that I should cook as little as possible. With that in mind, I’m going shopping in a few minutes. Here’s my list:

--Egg Nog, three pints (hey, daddy needs his courage, right Zayne?!)
--Microwave Ravioli, various types (hmmm…ravioli)
--Chicken (I want to rub my meals against a wall and see the other side)
--Totino’s Pizza (once bitten, twice shy)
--Easy Mac, Extreme Cheese (That’s why they call me T-Mac)

Things I won’t be getting:

--Any form of soda (I’ve discovered that I’m almost as addicted to caffeine-free Pepsi as I was to the original. From tomorrow on, it’s only water!)
--Any form of potato (Gross)
--Ice Cream (my ass has been elected to the local school board on a platform of being huge, and my thighs are running for Metro. Watch out, McLain!)


  • I have a scar on my left thumb from an oven burn also sustained when removing a Totino's Pizza from the oven. That! That is weird. But I love potatoes, so I guess I win.

    By Blogger Ian Samuel, at 6:36 PM  

  • You don't like potato? Your manhood is now in question. Dire straights.

    Sharl's Derm Moment of the Day: When you have sustained a burn, immediately hold the exposed area of skin directly on cold, running water until you can withdraw the extremity without still feeling any burning sensation. If you still feel pain, layers of tissue are still being singed. Return to the cold water immediately.

    By Anonymous Sharl, at 8:39 PM  

  • HAHA! I have that same theory on cooking! Sorry aout your thumb though. And, uh, I'll take a shot of courage while you're at it.

    By Anonymous Kim, at 7:16 AM  

  • Hey, Thomas -- Speaking of soda, can you do me a favor? Next time you have a barbecue at your house, and you offer hamburgers, hot dogs, and chicken (or in your case - quarter pounders, chili dogs, and nuggets), and the local high-strung vegetarian proclaims her vegetarian-ness -- will you please respond with "There's soda in the kitchen"?

    By Anonymous Sam, at 9:42 AM  

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