Would You Rather?!

When I was a freshman at Willamette, I had what turned out to be a pretty bad job at the campus bookstore. People were always cranky, I never got a handle on the register and my boss was a hyperactive dick. The one good thing that came from it was the occasional hours I would spend in the nearly abandoned convenient store (the first five minutes of “Clerks” summarizes it well) where I would get to read a little book called Would You Rather…? It asked a series of bizarre questions that were right up my comedic alley. So, to get to know the CG readers better, I offer my own series of would-you-rather-type questions that you can respond in the comments:

Would you rather be a five year old trapped at the Neverland Ranch

OR

Be a feeble 90 year old trapped in a crooked nursing home?

Things to consider: memory loss, Jesus Juice.

Would you rather have no arms

OR

Have one arm ten feet long?

Things to consider: elevator doors, clapping, volleyball.

Would you rather never have sex again

OR

Have sex every day of your life with Robert Bork?

Things to consider: robes, gavels, Griswold v. Connecticut.