Cliff Gardner

Monday, December 26, 2005

Bring me back some fireworks!

In a few hours, Mandy is leaving for China for two weeks to compete in a debate tournament and not buy cheap opium (the Department of Homeland Security might be reading this, you never know). So, I present a few quasi-offensive things she and the rest of the folks on the trip can do to make the whole experience more fun:

1) Ask people if they know Yao Ming personally. Wonder aloud why he's so tall.

2) Be very disappointed with the Great Wall. Say loudly, "oh...well it's pretty big, I guess."

3) Ask, “what’s with all the flags?”

4) Confuse Japan and China. Ask them if they've seen "that new Geisha movie."

5) Ask if they've seen the movie "Mulan." Start singing.

6) Demand to speak to the Emperor.

7) Ask where you can buy fireworks.

8) Get really wasted on the plane and say loudly at customs that you're only on this trip to buy cheap shoes.

9) Angrily shout, "those aren't real made up letters! Who the hell do you think you are?"

10) At the tournament, refer to "Godless Communists" as much as possible during impact development.


  • AHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my flippin goodness, those are so great!!!!!!!!


    By Anonymous Kim, at 8:29 PM  

  • bu2 hao3. Maybe you should try learning some Chinese before you made fun of them T-Boy.


    By Anonymous tiff, at 9:39 PM  

  • I think those ideas were already used on a recent political visit.

    By Anonymous zayne, at 2:10 AM  

  • And I thought you loved your girlfriend and wanted her back, not to spend 40 years in a red Chinese prison....

    By Blogger Alan Tauber, at 4:17 PM  

  • In the 6 degrees of Yao Ming game I am actually a mere 2 degrees away, as I am acquainted with the scout who discovered him and brought him to the States to play.

    Not sure why that was in any way important.

    I'll redeem myself by asking said scout why Yao is so tall...

    By Anonymous melissa, at 12:44 AM  

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