Shrek, but more wasted

One of the funniest people I’ve ever know is a former debate partner of mine named J. Adam Peterson. What made him so hilarious was his witty yet profane demeanor...if Dane Cook was a 285 pound offensive lineman from Roseburg, Oregon, he would have been J. Adam. Once, at the OSU tournament, J. Adam mistook some dude with a poney tail for our teammate Robert Venamin-Hughes, who also had long greasy hair. Wanting to know when the next round started, J. Adam tapped the kid on the shoulder who turned around and revealed that he was holding a giant dildo. Horrified, J. Adam jumped back and said loudly, “You’re not Robert…and that’s a fuckin dildo!” We would find out later that the young man was doing a speech on sex toys. Yup, that was J. Adam for you, always wearing his hilarious horror on his sleeve.

However, my favorite J. Adam story involved a time when he and his fraternity brothers may or may not have been wasted out of their minds and wanted to have some fun. A stream runs through the center of Willamette and there are several small bridges that go over it. One night, Alex Dukalskis, another really funny and cool dude, stood at one end of the bridge nearest the cafeteria and demanded that a group of three sorority girls pay a toll before they could cross the bridge, or “the ogre would get you.” They laughed and told Alex to get lost as the walked past him and across the bridge. Just as the got to the other side, J. Adam jumped out from behind a pillar wearing nothing but tighty wities and loudly growled at them, shouting, “you should have paid the toll!!!! AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!” Yes, they should have.