Person hygiene—your no longer misunderstood friend!

I spent the last few days at a high school speech tournament, also known as that awkward time after puberty but before deodorant. Admittedly, it’s really hard to smell good and have great breath after a 14 hour day drinking soda and eating junk food in between rounds. As the day progressed, I started wondering how long deodorant really lasts and covering my mouth with my hands to smell my own breath. It occurred to me that this isn’t the first time I’ve had these concerns towards the end of a long day, so I think in the future I’m going to bring the following items with me to tournaments:

--travel sized deodorant stick
--gum
--cologne (“Eternity,” thanks honey!)
--comb
--lint roller

Does this make me a vain, self-absorbed bastard or just a concerned hygiene zealot?