Cliff Gardner

Thursday, March 02, 2006


I know that my great-grandfather was a barber in New York, but I couldn’t tell you his name or for that matter, the name of his wife, my great-grandmother. He lived less than 100 years ago and even I can’t tell you anything about him despite having more of an incentive to remember him than almost anyone else in the world. Even family will eventually forget who you are.

However, that doesn’t mean we have to go quietly into history. If nothing else, we can leave something behind to entertain our descendants. With that in mind, I offer my children’s children’s children (I’m assuming of course that I will eventually get a date with someone, but given the wide array of pick-up lines at my disposal, I think I can make some assumptions) the following letter, a time capsule of sorts, to help them remember me:

Dear McCloskey descendants,

If you’re reading this, WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? I mean, I suppose I should congratulate you on surviving the inevitable war against the machines, but seriously, don’t you have anything better to do than read this two-dimensional letter on some horribly outdated computer that must slow your genetically engineered minds down to the point of absurdity? As we say in my time, that is WACK. OK, I’m the only one who still says that, but still. My point is, don’t bother remembering me—go outside and live your lives. The best way to remember your ancestors is to be happy.


Great Grand Pappy T-Mac


  • Exactly.

    By Anonymous amy, at 3:58 PM  

  • I'm starting to call you Pappy.
    That's wack.

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 4:46 PM  

  • HAHA, that's awesome! I want to write one, LOL, but if I do it now, it'll be lame bcz I'm copying you. I tell you what, if we don't make it into the history books, me for being s super fly scientists and finding the ultimate cure for everything, and you being the coolest lawyer that never lost a case, we'll have to go down in flames somehow. we'll get together when we're 80 and come up with a dastardly plan of some sort!

    By Anonymous Kim, at 5:35 PM  

  • yeah what the hell, if you go by great grand pappy t-mac, they definitely won't know your name.

    but maybe it'll remind them of one of those classical Wes Anderson Movies from back in the 00's.

    By Blogger Ashley, at 5:36 PM  

  • In middle school, our teacher had us write letters to our children telling them what it was like to be us at 13, 14...whatever we were then. I did it until 18...and then things abruptly fell off. Of course, I also moved away from the bomb shelter/goat farm at the same time...

    By Anonymous zayne, at 6:28 PM  

  • funny funny man

    By Anonymous Lucy, at 8:07 PM  

  • i love reading your blog cause you always make me smile :)

    keep up the great blog!

    By Anonymous Kiyomi B., at 11:58 PM  

  • Your pick-up lines are funny.

    And we did break up ...I just keep calling him my boyfriend because we're doing the same things we could do because of the distance before we broke up and it's way easier than typing "my sort-of, kind-of, not-officially-but-almost-based-on-what-sort-of-things-he's-telling-me boyfriend"

    By Anonymous Holli, at 8:23 AM  

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