Cliff Gardner

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Let me see your grill

One of the more dramatic experiences of my childhood was when my grandmother took her dentures out at the table during Thanksgiving dinner and plopped them in her water glass. My seven year old brain hadn’t grasped the concept of dentures at the time so it was quite traumatizing. It’s silly, I know, but I still have nightmares even today.

Flash forward sixteen years.

Tonight, for some reason, my mother took her false tooth/retainer out and left it sitting on a napkin that she rested on the computer keyboard, forgetting about it completely as she went to run errands. This presented a pretty serious and conflicting problem for me. My compulsive need to check my e-mail and blog was confronted with my equally irrational fear of false teeth.

Closing my eyes, I gently lifted the napkin up and carried the dental parcel into the kitchen, leaving it on the counter.

Me: 1, Emotionally Scaring Childhood Fear: 500. Hey, I’m starting to catch up!


  • I remember the day in my childhood that my grandma took off her wig, exposing her patches of wispy hair. I don't dream about wigs any more, but I do get a little nervous when I see one.

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 8:10 PM  

  • You have your priorities in line. Check Email/blog over calling mom.

    Thomas: 1
    Morals: 0

    By Blogger truax, at 8:45 PM  

  • You have apparently never had somebody play the old "pretend you just yanked off my arm when it's really prosthetic" joke on you.

    I can personally attest it is 1000x more traumatizing to a child than the dentures.

    But I still sympathize.

    By Blogger SDeGroot, at 9:22 PM  

  • So Price Is Right commericals must me murder for you.

    By Anonymous zayne, at 11:45 PM  

  • ha that shit is hilarious!

    By Blogger Ashley, at 9:21 AM  

  • HAHAHA that's great! Way to take back your computer! LOL!

    By Anonymous Kim, at 6:25 AM  

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