Cliff Gardner

Monday, May 22, 2006

It's either this or sell my organs and I already sold one kidney and part of my small intestine on e-bay

I feel like I’m in a scheming mood. No wait, that’s just a hangover. No, sorry, I was right the first time, it definitely feels like I aught to be scheming. It’s kind of tingly…OK, so get-rich-quick schemes!

1) Throw myself in front of a bus and sue the United States of America! They’ll settle faster than you can say punitive! What could go wrong?

2) Adopt a highway and charge to let people dump their trash on the shoulders. You know how a small percentage of foster parents aren't as nice to their adopted children as Sam is and are clearly just in it for the money? Yea, I want to be that kind of parent to my adopted highway. I figure that by adopting it, like Kramer before me, I am allowed to do whatever I want to it, and that includes undercutting local county dumps and allowing folks to dump their crap off to the side.

3) Put dozens of cell-phone towers in my back yard and collect some serious coin from cell-phone companies. I doubt anyone will notice.

Aaaah...that there was some good schemin’.

3 Comments:

  • If any of those work, let me know...please.

    By Blogger truax, at 8:48 PM  

  • For the adopted highway plan, let me know when you're ready to re-paint the lanes. We'll change if from two lanes to one.

    I hope your hangover is gone by then.

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 9:27 PM  

  • wow #2 is probably a really terrible metaphor, and yet effective ;-)

    By Anonymous Lucy, at 3:34 PM  

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