Cliff Gardner

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Polly want a post

I have this theory that everything would improve dramatically with a parrot involved. Pretend you’re at a really long stoplight and when it finally turns green, the ass hat in front of you doesn’t move. You’re about to lay on the horn when your parrot chirps, “raaa…silly rrrrabbit, tricks are for kids! Raaa!” There. See how mellowed out you are? Your parrot just averted road rage.

Here’s another example. Let’s say you’re watching Bambi with your niece for the fifteenth time in a row and you’re about to lose it. Then your parrot chimes in, “raaaa…Bambi’s father is an emotionally unstable deadbeat! Raaaa!” See? Your parrot just said what you were thinking and prevented you from flying off the handle and scaring your niece for life.

All I’m saying is that parrots don’t get enough credit for being as badass as they are, AND I HAVEN’T EVEN GOTTEN TO THE PIRATE REFERENCES.


  • not gonna lie, i'm a little disappointed about this entry.

    although i am intrigued by the phrase "ass hat." i'm not even mad, that's aMAZING!

    By Anonymous ashley, at 10:15 PM  

  • Pffft, parrots are nothing without pirates. They won't even talk if they're not perched atop a pirate's shoulder!

    By Anonymous shea, at 10:46 PM  

  • I know someone with a parrot. The thing is freaking crazy. They have to cover it with a blanket or else they want to kill themselves.

    By Anonymous amy, at 11:44 PM  

  • Well, I don't know much about parrots...but I do know that if you leave your pet rat near an open window during the winter, it will die - even if your son uses a blow dryer and wraps it in a towel to keep it warm.

    By Anonymous sam, at 8:39 AM  

  • Hahaha! Oh man, I think I would either love the parrot or kill the parrot in rage... Parrots and cars don't mix too well!

    By Anonymous Liz, at 12:41 PM  

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