Cliff Gardner

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Three important questions

Are there groupies at Christian Rock Concerts? Honestly, are there 19 year old girls getting all hot over “Third Day” someplace? If so, what do they do to get the attention of the lead singer? What happens if they get invited backstage?

What does one put on a NASCAR driver application? One foot is bigger than the other? Loved “2 Fast, 2 Furious” and other racing movies? No tickets? Lots of tickets? Would a hit and run conviction actually be an asset?

Who would win in a fight between that really smart ape that Jane Goodall taught sign language and the Sputnik monkey? Would Coco just talk a lot of trash and walk away? Would Muttnik just do physics in the dirt then shit in her hands and throw it against the wall?


  • 1.) Have you seen a prayer meeting? Hot and heavy...
    2.) Qualified for good driver discount?
    3.) Tough. Sign language monkey is probably tricky, but the space monkey is probably really goddamn crazy.

    By Anonymous zayne, at 9:32 PM  

  • I love that some of our closest genetic relatives poop in their hands and throw it.

    You know you've wanted to do that to someone SO many times.

    By Anonymous Amy, at 10:13 PM  

  • i love the word poop.

    and third day is hot. when i was a third day groupie i used to flash them my cross necklace. then we went backstage and expressed our love in nonsexual ways.

    By Anonymous ashley, at 10:46 PM  

  • Thom... this was a HILARIOUS post..

    And I'm also really curious about the christian rock concerts..

    By Anonymous bridget, at 12:02 PM  

  • In answer to your first question, yes Christian girls do get all hot for Christian rock groups....when I was in high school it was Toby from DC Talk (I went to a concert where girls clawed at other girls just to be able to touch him while he moshed.) I think nowadays it is some of the Switchfoot guys. Weird I know.

    By Anonymous Caroline, at 12:22 PM  

  • I love the Third Day sound; that almost gets me off. I have no idea what I would do with the actual band members . . .

    By Anonymous Lucy, at 10:42 AM  


    Jane Goodall didn't teach Coco sign language. Some other enterprising primatologist did. As far as I know, Jane Goodall never met Coco.

    And besides, she was a gorilla.

    Coco. Not Jane Goodall.

    By Blogger Haylie, at 6:07 PM  

  • At further glance, I realized you never actually said Coco was a chimp.

    But oh boy, was it implied.

    By Blogger Haylie, at 6:07 PM  

  • OMG! Hilarious!!!! ROFL!

    By Anonymous Liz, at 12:42 PM  

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