Cliff Gardner

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Complete Idiot's Guide to Destroying My Life!

Want to destroy my life? I thought so! In spite of the love and support of friends and family, my life is basically only tenuously held together by three items:

--My cell phone. Since I’m rarely home, I’ve been using this as my contact number for lots of places, including the Peace Corps. Plus, this is also the only number several friends (read: emotional safety nets) have of mine so if it were to fall into a lake or something I would be screwed.

--My running shoes. The best and most frequently used way I relieve stress is by pounding out a few miles, and while that’s possible without my new iPod, it’s not possible without my beat-to-hell running shoes. Without them, I would be about as stressed as the average 1L during finals.

--My glasses. Holy shit I am so incredibly dependant on my glasses it’s not even funny. Just to give you some idea of how blind I am, without my glasses I am vaguely aware that there is a computer in front of me right now.

Take these three items away and I would be reduced to a stressed out moron walking in circles in the middle of an Arizona desert and babbling about how there’s never any reception in Antarctica while holding a cactus to me ear.


  • I can agree with you on number one, fo' sho.

    By Blogger truax, at 3:15 AM  

  • I feel you one the first one too... remember when mine went kaptuz and the only way to get ahold of me was to randomly stop by my house and hope I was there? That sucked

    By Blogger The Assassin (burrr), at 8:41 AM  

  • I think that you forgot one thing: George Foreman grill. I suggest that you add this to your list because of that recent message you sent me:

    "I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's the perfect way to start the day."
    -- T-Mac, in email correspondence, 04/27/06

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 10:41 AM  

  • My worst nightmare is swimming in the sea, and then a big wave sweeps away my glasses. ScarY!

    By Anonymous elizabeth, at 12:27 PM  

  • Haha, I did my hour long phone interview with the Peace Corps over my cell phone while parked in a random parking lot on the way to work. They called me about 10 minutes before I was expecting them to, and I had to hurry and park and act like nothing had happened. Very fun.

    By Anonymous shea, at 2:00 PM  

  • You scared me! There is too GA tonight, at least it says so in the TV guide... :o/

    By Anonymous Kristen, at 5:27 PM  

  • Awww... that's kinda sad. BE STRONG!!!

    By Anonymous Kim, at 6:01 PM  

  • ha ha ha maybe you should back up all the numbers you have saved on that thing.

    then throw it into the lake and get a new one the same day. it could be very liberating.

    By Blogger Ashley, at 6:21 PM  

  • A cactus? That sounds painful. I wonder if talking on one long enough will give you cancer too...

    (I hear ya, though. Without my glasses, I can't function either)

    By Anonymous Eric, at 6:02 PM  

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