Cliff Gardner

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Eeyore has them all beat

Yesterday Kristen and I were talking and we decided that everyone could use a little therapy about something. However, I think it’s pretty clear that some folks need more therapy than others to get control of their mental health. With that in mind, I ask the following question: which of the Seven Dwarfs needs the most therapy?

Sneezy: He needs an ear, nose and throat doctor, not a lot of therapy. However, if I were to sneeze constantly for most of my life, I would probably be a little self-conscious, so Sneezy could use some couch time.

Happy: There’s nothing wrong with being happy, but I think this Dwarf is a little too happy if you know what I mean. I’m picturing him snorting coke off some huge toadstool, so a really intense rehab program in conjunction with group therapy would help level him out a bit.

Grumpy: He’s surrounded by people with various disorders and compassion can only hold out for so long. I actually think Grumpy is the sanest person in the house. Still, a little anger management therapy would likely do him some good.

Sleepy: Narcolepsy, anyone? With medication to keep him awake a little more, Sleepy will have a lot more to dream about when he finally hits the hay at night. Caffeine pills: yes, extensive therapy: no.

Doc: What the hell was Doc’s issue, anyway? He is to the house what The Real World: New Orleans is to the Real World seasons…everyone always forgets it was ever there. Still, he’s a doctor of some kind, I think, so he can give himself therapy if he needs any, right?!

Dopey: As our President has established, slow-witted folks can accomplish a lot. I honestly don’t think Dopey requires any therapy since he’s too stupid—in a cute way—to let anything get him down.

Bashful: We have a winner! Bashful is like that kid who refused to swim without a shirt on or walk across the street without holding his mom’s hand as a fifteen year old. Psychiatry might not be ready for this guy.


  • I completely disagree. Doc was always my favorite. Although I think you're right about Happy. I mean, I consider myself a naturally cheerful person, but honey, I ain't that happy. Actually, I think they all need therapy because clearly they conform to their names in a rigid and unhealthy way. I don't know if it's because of peer or self-pressure or what, but all seven of them need a little liberation.

    By Blogger Haylie, at 1:54 PM  

  • Maybe doc GIVES the therapy...

    By Blogger Kourtney, at 3:02 PM  

  • Grumpy is awesome.

    By Anonymous zayne, at 5:06 PM  

  • Sneezy should probably see an allergist while he's at it. However, what these boys all needed was a little estrogen in their lives. The first girl they meet leaves them for another guy just because he was taller. Seriously, if that doesn't put you on a regimen of prozac, I don't know what will.

    By Anonymous Sharl, at 9:53 PM  

  • :) - fun!

    By Blogger Inside the Philosophy Factory, at 6:48 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home