Cliff Gardner

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


The good news is that I’ve got pretty much everything I need for Ukraine. The bad news is that I’m not sure how I’m going to fit two years worth of heroin in my suitcase.

I should probably tell the people who google PEACE CORPS and UKRAINE that I was kidding just then, at least about the sweet lady H. In the past few days I’ve purchased a lot of helpful crap. My favorite items include:

--Yaktrax! Now, when I’m running around in the inevitable blizzard, at least I won’t fall on my boney yet still somehow cute butt! Cobblestones hurt, so I’d say this is a good thing!

--Super hangers! Take THAT, slacks! I am your boss and you work for me. Don’t ever forget it.

--A personal breathalyzer! See, from everything I’ve read, alcohol use is much more widespread and socially acceptable in Ukraine than in America...try to get your mind around that one for a second...and since I don’t want to be rude to my hosts by turning down shot after shot of vodka, I thought I should at least give myself the capacity to know how drunk I’m getting with a cool little gadget from Sharper Image. Tucker Max-like exploits might very well ensue.

While buying all this stuff is fun, I’ve started the very real and often painful process of saying goodbye to the people I love. I blogged about my family’s going away party for me on Ongoing Onslaught. Basically, I’m surrounded by awesome people who love me and it’s just starting to hit me how hard it’s going to be to leave everyone, even though I know this is what I’m supposed to do.


  • I hope you're not forgetting your anti-bacterial hand sanitizer - even though you can't take it on the airplane with you. It will be so weird without you in Da Grove - hard to imagine.

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 7:02 AM  

  • I think that by having the personal breathalyzer the Ukrainians (or even the other PCVs) will see it as a "personal challenge" to see who can get the highest reading, thus causing many cases of alcohol poisoning.

    The Peace Corps is supposed to be about helping people, not creating more hardship. Seriously, how can you sleep at night, knowing that you will be causing so much pain and suffering?

    (**Disclaimer - this sarcastic comment was my own feeble attempt at humor and should not be viewed as any precursor to future behavior in the Peace Corps**)

    By Blogger Cody, at 11:19 AM  

  • I think that much hilarity will ensue from the use of that breathalyzer. I’m not, however, convinced that it will actually do any good when it comes to not getting too drunk. I think maybe the horrible taste of vodka will do that for you. (Mmm, potato alcohol!)

    By Anonymous liz, at 1:29 PM  

  • Did you get my message, my friend? Let's shoot for lunch next weekend (not this coming weekend when you said you are busy).

    By Anonymous sharl, at 2:00 PM  

  • you are so much cooler than me.

    By Anonymous lucy, at 5:42 PM  

  • You're going to be missed, but we all know that you're going to do great things while you're gone!!

    I can speak from experience the tire chains for your boots really work good. I have some so when I'm out moving snow I don't fall on my bum. Similar to cobblestones...frozen ground's hard.

    By Blogger truax, at 6:22 PM  

  • Underwear, my friend.

    By Blogger Matt, at 6:33 PM  

  • I once had one of those portable BAC things. I believe that it was the most destructive thing that I have ever held in my hands. Even worse than a gun. I swear.

    I dig your ability to joke about Heroin. Too many people take hard drug humor too seriously.

    By Blogger Cptn. Backfire, at 11:16 PM  

  • Please eat your appears it is VERY important to your fam :)

    By Blogger Kourtney, at 10:20 PM  

  • At my high school, we had to take (and pass) a breathalyzer in order to be admitted to school dances. I kid you not.

    By Anonymous Sarah, at 3:11 PM  

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