Cliff Gardner

Friday, January 26, 2007

Splish splash, I was takin' a bath

I bet many of you are concerned with how I'm keeping clean over in Ukraine--and by many of you I mean my mom--so I thought I would take this opportunity to tell you all about how I shower here. I mentioned in my last post that the shower temperature-changer-thing is in the kitchen and how it is very annoying to go dripping into another room half a dozen times during my daily showers, so I decided earlier this week to just switch entirely to bucket-baths. Here's how that process goes:

Step One: Fill up two big pans and one tea-kettle with water the night before and set them on the stove. This step is crucial because I only have water in my apartment during certain hours of the day so if I don't fill up the pans the night before, I'll spend the next day looking like Michael Jackson. Well, more than usual at least.

Step Two: In the morning, light all three burners on the stove with matches and try not to burn myself. Again.

Step Three: Go eat a banana and/or a piece of bread while the water heats up. Marvel at how great my diet is.

Step Four: Drink a liter of coke while the water continues to heat up.

Step Five: Realize that the water is boiling and I have no cold water to cool it down with.

Step Six: Read Breakfast at Tiffany's, study Russian and look over my lesson plans. Wonder aloud if the tenant who left the pair of numchucks when they moved out of the apartment was in fact a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.

Step Seven: Realize the water has gotten cold while I've been killing time.

Step Eight: Realize that I only have ten minutes to shower, get dressed and catch a marshutka (mini-bus) to get to school on time.

Step Nine: Take a really cold bath, get dressed, go to school and teach adorable Ukrainian kids about America, weather and baseball. Love life!


  • On your worst day, there's no way you'd look even close to what poor MJ looks like. This whole process reminds me of a lot of my childhood in Mexico. I can still bath in a half gallon of water! At least chickens probably don't wander into your shower. :-)

    I love reading about your experiences. As usual, your take on life is about the best one around. Keep on rocking! Love you!

    By Anonymous Christine, at 7:38 AM  

  • Seriously, my friend, I would be on the first plane back to the US so I definitely respect your committment and stamina--and also your resourcefulness!

    But water only at certain times? I think its time to write an angry letter to your local Parliament Minister.

    By Anonymous Sharl, at 7:02 PM  

  • Everybody loves a clean T-Mac! (OOH - maybe that's a good name for a duo I should wriite)

    Are you teaching the children about the US version of The Office? Something to consider.

    By Blogger magic, and with love from Sam,, at 9:38 PM  

  • The best part of this is the litre of coke before you get into the bath tub. That warms my heart.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 11:34 PM  

  • Oh I think your Mother is not feeling the relief you'd have hoped for...

    By Blogger Housewife, at 7:30 PM  

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