Cliff Gardner

Friday, September 30, 2005


Mandy and I are taking it tomorrow. Bring it on!

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Should this concern me?

It's close to a weekend, meaning that I'm in Salem visiting Mandy. Before I left today, Mandy called and asked me to pick up some of her medication at the pharmacy in town, and I said sure, because I'm a nicest and most humble man ever. When I got there, though, they just gave me the medication despite the fact that I don't look like Amanda Guile in the least. How did they know I wasn't some deranged "I'll substitute your Prosac for tic-tacs and take the whole bottle over spring break" kind of guy? Shouldn't there be a tighter leash on who we sell drugs to?

Love ya, Moses. Keep hitting those low notes!

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

I am a shark!

Parking on college campuses is, with few exceptions, a nightmare, and one that I was only vaguely aware of until I recently became a car owner for the first time. Pacific University is no exception, with two lots reserved for students far away from campus, and a really long street that allows parking only in two hour increments.

But there's hope.

There's a very small "staff only" lot with no time constraints across the street from my office behind a cinnamon roll store (sooo good!). In it, there are 16 spaces, 12 of which are reserved for university higher-ups, like the President, VP, highest alumni donor, etc. In addition to those spaces, there are four others that are open to any faculty or staff member. I've figured out that if I show up to work around lunchtime, people leave their space when they go get food, and I can swoop in and steal it. I call this process "sharking" a space because I wait for someone to show weakness, i.e. leave to get food, and I take advantage. OK, maybe there's a better analogy, but the point is that I've got a kick ass parking space every day this week!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I'm not surprised or anything, but....

The Atlanta Braves won the National League East tonight. It was their 14th consecutive division title. No other team in pro sports has ever come close to that record. With 17 rookies on the team this season, this title means more than most. Booya! Another October in Atlanta!


When I came into work today, my students had covered my office door with personalized signs wishing me well on the LSAT! It was just about the sweetest thing ever! I've said it before and I'll say it again--I really feel welcome at Pacific.

Monday, September 26, 2005

Am I the only one who finds this offensive?

I just saw a commercial for the Army where a teenager eagerly says to his mother, "good news, I've found someone to pay for me to go to college!" His mother rolls her eays and after listing some of the great things the Army has to offer, he says, "'s time for me to be the man." This is offensive on multiple levels which I assume are so obvious that me venting about them here isn't needed. It's just good to know that the Army is still the bastion of gender progress that it's always been. On a sidenote--I think everyone joining the armed forces should see "Jarhead" before they sign up. Something tells me Sam Mendes is going to make the same point I'm trying to make in this post but in a much more powerful way.

Well that was easy...

For the past month since I've been on the job at Pacific, I've been walking over to the library every time I needed to use a computer. I didn't mind so much since it's right across the plaza from my building, but it was getting a little annoying. All along, Sam (my boss and awesome dude) had been telling me to just go to the campus store and get an enternet cable for my laptop. For some reason or another, I hadn't gotten around to it until today. The entire process took about five minutes and now I'm typing this from my office.

This means that I no longer have to choose between work and watching the Braves game online, or question whether or not I have time to check my e-mail while my students are in prep time for a debate. I can't believe I waited so long to just go get a little cord. Seriously, this rules!


Demi and Ashton got married. Good for them. I clearly don't have a lot going on that is worthy of a post. Sorry, I'll go set the curtains on fire so I'll have something exciting to post about later.

Saturday, September 24, 2005

I must be blessed

Tomorrow night, I'll be watching two of my favorite shows premiere in succession and then I'll check out the show that everyone is talking about. First, I'll find out if Santos-McGarry are going to work as a ticket and who leaked the shuttle info to the press on "The West Wing." Then I'll find out if Mike can rescue Susan on "Desperate Housewives." Finally, I'll see if "Greys Anatomy" is any good. I think it will be awesome since Mandy is rarely off when it comes to TV. I'm sooooo excited! The TV Gods have blessed me since there are no conflicts between these three shows on the same night. No need for Tivo here!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Cry Wolf

For anyone who's ever played "Mafia" or "Murder," Cry Wolf is right up your alley. It's designed to get folks more interested in the crappy movie in theatres, but it's still really entertaining. Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

I must be turning into Rob Layne...

I'm seriously eating out every day must be what happens when you're an over-worked Assistant Director of Forensics. Speaking of Rob, Christmas came early for my friend from Missouri (I made a rhyme!) last week when Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger had their marriage annulled. That makes this story much more of a possibility.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Best. Movie. Ever.

Remember in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze" when the turtles are fighting The Foot and those monsters at the construction site? Then the fighting continues and they bust through the wall of the nightclub and no one seems at all surprised by the four six-foot turtles dropkicking a giant snapping turtle and wolf and two dozen men in all-black outfits. To top it all off, Vanilla Ice, who just happened to be performing at the very same club, improves some lyrics about the events like the legitimate rap artist that everyone thought he was at the time.

No movie summarizes my childhood better. I wonder, though, if this scene in particular also captures the mood of NYC. In other words, if something happens that would normally be viewed as bizzar anywhere else, New Yorkers just roll with it. Ian and Marie should feel free to comment on this one.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Aww, this is awesome!

Felicity Huffman won an Emmy last night for her role on "Desperate Housewives." Her acceptance speech was one of the most honest and heartwarming addresses I've heard at an awards show in a long time. She's just such a talented actress and I'm really glad that she was finally rewarded. Plus, she was on "Sports Night" back in the day, so I'm just inclined to think that she's a badass in general.

Saturday, September 17, 2005


I couldn't agree more. Non baseball fans can skip this one.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Who the hell are all of these people and what is going on here?

The show "ER" has always meant something to me. Even before I ever watched an episode I had fun with it. See, my best friend David Metzger and I used to debate together in high school, and he used to have to spell his last name to judges all the time. He would always say, "M, E, T as in tiger, Z as in zebra, G as is girl, E, R" and I would always say "as in the Emmy-winning show," and everyone would chuckle.

Lately the show has taken on an even greater meaning for me. I've blogged before about how I've taken to watching old episodes of ER when I get up in the morning and have really enjoyed them. However, tonight, I was channel surfing and came accross a re-run of ER from last season, and I was really confused. George Clooney and Juliana Margolies were gone. So were Dr. Benton and the British doctor he was sort of seeing. Oh, and Dr. Green was nowhere to be found. Carter was still there, but he was the only one I recognized and even he seemed really jaded.

In their place were all of these new people, like the Indian woman from "Bend it Like Beckham" and the dude from "8 Mile." That woman who was Jim Carey's ex-wife in "Liar Liar" was also on the show. After watching scenes from the new season, it looks like Danny Glover and the woman from "Third Rock From the Sun" will be joining the cast, too. The show had turned into freaking Hollywood Squares and it was really weirding me out.

Who knows, maybe I'll eventually grow to love this new crew of doctors, but probably not until they're in syndication.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

DB8 wear is hot

I think I dress pretty well. Admittedly I have Mandy to thank for that since I'm basically her only slightly oversized Ken doll. Today, however, since I had three practice debate rounds in a row scheduled with various teams, I decided to wear my "debate is life, the rest is just prep time" shirt to get in the mood. On my way to the team room, I walked passed a group of about a dozen sorority girls. They read my shirt, giggled and whispered to each other as we passed. I had two simultaneous thoughts:

1) You wish you were this cool
2) My girlfriend is hotter than all of you

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

What's wrong with being happy?

I was watching "The Real World: Austin" tonight--my first mistake, I know--and was really annoyed with Danny, who was having a hard time accepting the possibility that he had actually found the right person for him in Mel. The pressure from other roommates to sleep with other women compounded his dilemma. Danny seemed convinced that there was something wrong with being with just one person who made him happy instead of a seeking a string of physically gratifying but ultimately shallow short-term relationships. The confusing part was, Mel satisfies him physically and he admits that "it's not about the girls," and yet he was still compelled to sleep around.

While Danny is an extreme example of, what roommate Rachel called, "the curse of the penis" (I'm paraphrasing), I still think that his problem is more widespread than many people might think. Many women seem unsatisfied in good relationships, too. Why is that? Why are people so afraid to just BE HAPPY?! Admittedly, my relationship with Mandy got fairly serious fairly quickly. However, as we near our 3 year anniversary on October 15 (I got her present today, I RULE), I've never once regretted our time together, despite common assumptions/expectations about how folks should act in college, or wondered what I was missing out on. I'm happy, I'm completely satisfied, and I'll just never understand why someone in a position like mine would ever want to fuck with that.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Don't sweat the small stuff, or the really important stuff

Here's a list of things that I really need to do, haven't done, and still am not stressed out about:

--Take a full, timed practice LSAT
--Write my personal statement
--Deliver LSDAS letter of recommendation forms to the folks I've asked
--Have my transcript sent to the LSDAS
--Get another job in Forest Grove
--Fill out a single law school application

I know I'll get all of this stuff done, and I'll probably do it all over the course of a really stressful week. But that week is not this week. And I'm ok with that. Next week is looking good, though, because I can feel my stress level inching higher on me.

Wow, I'm impressed

I'm blogging from the brand new Pacific University Library. We're talking three stories of academic goodness. Seriously, I want to have our wedding reception here. Either here or the local internet cafe. I'm not picky.

Just to be clear, Mandy and I aren't engaged (but don't let that stop you from buying us things) and it's IKEA not Wikea. Oh, and the coaches conference went fine...I baptized Sam into the world of old man Simpson's by forcing him to watch two episodes at the hotel.

Thursday, September 08, 2005

No really, I'm their coach!

While I had been working with my Pacific University speech and debate students all summer online through a team-wide forum, I only started working with them in person a week ago. During that time, I've discovered that I really love to coach, despite the fact that no one seems to believe me when I tell folks on campus that I work there...I guess I kinda look like a beh-bey. :-)

It helps that I've got such a fantastic students. They're all so eager and excited to learn and get better, and seem to be soaking up my every word. My boss Sam Mathies is also an amazingly awesome and classy man. He's made me feel incredibly welcome and it has really meant a lot. Tomorrow we leave for a district coaches conference in Seattle. We'll be stopping at Wikia and at Powell's, so I'm really looking forward to the trip up there!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Hey, shut up!

Like most people, I have little things that I keep to myself. These are small secrets of mine that I've keep bottled up. Well NO MORE! From this day forward, I refuse to be ashamed of the following:

--The first CD's I bought were the "Top Gun" soundtrack, the "Rocky IV" soundtrack, the "Titanic" soundtrack, and "Jock Jams Volume 2."

--I like Hillary Clinton and will vote for her in 2008 if she runs.

--I didn't like the movie "Garden State."

--I think people who don't like "The West Wing" are, with a few exceptions, slow witted.

--I stopped liking the Portland Trailblazers when they were mean, but not when they were/are bad.

--I have a horrible sense of direction and have no desire to improve upon it.

--I've been an on-again, off-again pro wrestling fan for the last ten years.

--I think that the band "Savage Garden" kicks ass.

--I had a crush on former U.S. Gymnast Dominique Dawes.

The funniest show on television!

If you're not watching "The Office," start. Seriously, this is the funniest fucking show I've ever seen in my life!

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Florida State owes David Metzger a beer!

The Seminoles had lost six straight games against Miami...until the D-Train rolled into Tallahassee a little over a month ago to start film school. COINCIDENCE?! I think not.

Monday, September 05, 2005

Lawyers are hot

Tomorrow I've got a job interview at a local law firm. I'm really excited at the possibility that I could learn more about my chosen profession before I go to law school and make a little money in the process. However, I'm even more excited about the interview because it gives me an excuse to dust off the old pinstripe suite. I'm hot enough to turn sand into glass in that thing.

Sunday, September 04, 2005

I live to blog...and clearly need some perspective

There was a time at Willamette when I viewed just about everything in the news and in my classes only in terms of debate. Bush wants to drill in ANWR? Sweet, that case is still inherent. Kansas has a stupid law that imprisons gay men like 30 years more than straight men for the same crime? Awesome, overturning that will be a tough one to beat. I was actually angry for a while when I found out that drug courts, this awesome rehabilitation approach to drug crimes, were finally being used in all 50 states, because it meant that I couldn't run that case anymore. Finally, though, I got out of that habit and actually started taking action to fix all of these terrible things that I kept seeing.

Lately, it seems that my lack of perspective has shifted from debate to blogging. Recently I've noticed myself thinking about blogging in my daily life. I'm like, "hey...this would make a funny blog entry, I should write this down and blog it later." I guess it's a step up.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

Machismo sucks

Few things in this world annoy me more than old-school definitions of gender. Many people are alarmed when I tell them that if/when Mandy and I get married, I'm happy with hyphening my name (Guile-McCloskey), taking her name (Thomas Guile, woohoo!), or having each of us keep our original names. Even more folks are offended at the notion that I am more than willing to be a stay-at-home-dad with a Capri Sun belt and soccer van at the ready. However, the most frequent place when my open-minded gender constructions come in contact with those around me is at the movies. See, I'm a bit of a crier, and since I am also a man, this is offensive to some. So, to spite these people, I present to the blogging community a partial list of movies that I cried in:

--Mona Lisa Smile
--Saving Private Ryan
--It Could Happen to You
--American Beauty
--Hotel Rwanda
--The Constant Gardner
--Remember the Titans
--Life as a House

Friday, September 02, 2005


This is a great article about why Andruw Jones deserves the National League Most Valuable Player award this year. I couldn't agree more.

On another note, Willamette offered admission to six Tulane students whose school years would have otherwise ended. They're paying to fly them out to Salem from New Orleans (or wherever they ended up after running from Katrina) and start classes, under the condition that they pay their normal costs of tuition to Tulane so their home university won't go bankrupt. I'm really proud to be a Bearcat.